Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on January 21, 2013 by stuntgranny

martin-luther-king-jr2

I don’t get off for Martin Luther King Day. At least I have something in common with the WWE wrestlers. I’m starting late after recording about Gangster Squad. Let’s roll.

Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman come out to start the show. Dear lord, toothless man in the front row. If you can afford those tickets, can’t you afford some fake teeth? Paul Heyman lays it on thick as usual. Replay already. And more replay. It wasn’t the Rock‘s best work. I saw somewhere that he doesn’t owe us to change his schtick. That’s fine. Just know that I know it’s recycled material and I will continue to not like it. Cheesiest police set up ever. The police are not the guards at Buckingham Palace. Vickie gets to play the tired, old heel schtick.

Beat The Clock Challenge between Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro. They love the long start to this challenge then the matches slowly start to resemble normal Raw length matches. Nothing happens before the break. The WWE loves it’s own formulas. I had glazed over the #BeatTheClock stuff until Mitchell Cool pointed it out. He’s doing his job. Since the winner gets to pick their number, a heel wins this challenge, right? RKO out of nowhere for an 11:36 match time. They try to build drama. I’m not biting. Nice of them to give Mick Foley a full career run down. The Shield tries to look like terrorists. They’re just getting started without still having any distinct personality traits or a winning in ring match.

Brad Maddox is going to get more air time than the match between Big Show and Zack Ryder. WMD for a short match. Big Show got screwed in the Beat The Clock challenge.

Brad Maddox gets more air time with Paul Heyman who invites him on board. 3MB is air guitaring. So stupid but somewhat funny. Ryback gets to crush Heath Slater. Heath gets a spoonful of offense. Finish him. Ryback got screwed in the challenge too. He’s got a mic again. The Rock is still jonsesing to get in. Vickie bribed their boss and admitted it on camera. Doesn’t she get arrested now? Why are they wearing the same outfit? Vickie can’t stop laughing at the Rock.

CM Punk gets his promo time. The WWE Title is his life’s work. Punk is doing what he can to make fun of the fans. They don’t seem to be buying it. A solid promo. The content was a little “Eh” to me. I love his facial expressions.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on January 14, 2013 by stuntgranny

Fat-Guy-In-A-Little-Beach

That was the champion of Ring of Honor after his Ladder War with El Generico who I thought signed with the WWE after this match (I got no idea why. He’s tall but that’s it.) and he hasn’t been on ROH TV for the rest of 2012 except in highlights at the top of the year. Kevin Steen could barely beat a bean pole who hasn’t wrestled all year. I almost forgot to mention Kevin Kelly comparing this rivalry to classic sports rivalries. When I’m not aware of a feud, it’s not that epic, Kevin. Quit ruining a great name. Then just for icing on the cake (Probably extra thick for Steen), he laid on a ladder like a beached whale. Stay classy, ROH. Let’s roll.

Vince McMahon is cramming so much crap into this show, he doesn’t even get a ring entrance. Good lord, he’s blowing himself. At least he has a good suit on this week. Hard to go wrong with black with white shirt. Howard Finkel could have been a better hype man. Big Show is making his pitch. Vince goes for the title fat joke. Nice. Damn, three man booth even if JBL is awesome. Big Show going kind of racist. Alberto Del Rio (along with a very windy Ricardo Rodriguez)  gets to join the circus. Del Rio is a dip shit and puts his title on the line. It’s Dora The Explorer for wrestling fans when they chant in Spanish.

For some reason, Randy Orton is fighting Wade Barrett again. These guys have done battle too much in the recent past. Commercial. Let’s see if I catch up tonight. Hard doing a fantasy hockey draft while doing the column too. Holy shit, I was not paying attention to this match because I figured Orton would win. Instead, Barrett wins clean. Color me shocked.

Booker T lays the Smackdown on Eve Torres before her match. Teddy Long is their for moral support. I guess she is gone after tonight. I don’t get the use of the Diva’s. They spend the last 6-12 months building her up into the biggest Diva of right now and they let her walk? Now we get our Kane & Daniel Bryan segment with Doctor Shelby. They give us a psychology lesson when Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes show up. Not their best segment. Kane takes on Sandow after the commercial break. Kane wins in another match that doesn’t matter.

Mick Foley is introduced as the first nominee in the WWE Hall of Fame. Good deal. The Shield comes down before Foley can go anywhere. Ryback, Randy Orton & Sheamus make the save. Okay. Ryback makes a good stance on the conspiracy and not being concerned about it. Feed Me Shield. That is way too shoe horned.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on December 17, 2012 by stuntgranny

hair_cut_gone_wrong

I want to pull out my hair from the majority of results this weekend on both Ring of Honor’s iPPV Final Resolution and WWE’s TLC PPV.  The Shield going over was not a decision that made me want to pull my hair out. I may add to this later.

Oh dear lord, both Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler pander to the lowest common denominator by telling us how to download an app for our smart phones. Rey Mysterio is taking on Damien Sandow in a singles match. I guess Rey wants his win. OR they’re keeping this feud going even longer. Neither of those excuses work for me. The first award gets more hype than the match. Booker T joins us. How nice of him. Our first award for most shocking moment of the year. Booker wants us to download their app. Fuck off. I’m not downloading it. I FF thru the award nominees. The Boogeyman comes out. I’m confused.

They did that just so Booker could say he did not just see that. Ugh. Brad Maddox comes prematurely. Get it? Wooka wooka. Kofi gets it for walking on his hands. Eve Torres is taking on Kaitlyn. I like the outfit change for Kaitlyn. Gut Buster for the Kaitlyn win. We get the New Age Outlaws to present an award. The crowd still eats him up. Comeback of the Year. How can Lawler not win that award. People would be heartless if they didn’t give it to him. Wooka wooka. He wins it.

Kofi Kingston takes on Tensai. The crowd is still chanting Albert. Trouble In Paradise. I wasn’t even slacking off on that match. It was that quick. Wade Barrett attacks him from behind. They explain again downloading apps. Fucking idiots.

Vickie Guerrero presents the Kiss of The Year award to AJ Lee and John Cena. Vickie wants her to explain her actions. She goes full on heel. This turn was predictable but it still wasn’t the right call. AJ kisses Dolph Ziggler. Vickie runs off screaming. Dolph acts like he wasn’t kissing back. Um, OK. Shouldn’t they be a couple if she’s a heel? Get Vickie away from him? The Great Khali is coming to the ring with Natalya Neidhart.

David Otunga gets to job to him. Wasn’t watching the match since the Slammy’s are so much more important. Ric Flair is presenting the Superstar of the Year Award. I would be surprised if my girl hadn’t texted me about it. John Cena wins the award. The grown man holding up the U C(an’t) See Me sign needs to be castrated. Or at least snipped. Cena wants to give the award to Flair? So he can sell it to cover debts. CM Punk comes out. Cena sure vamoosed quickly. Ric Flair takes Punk up on his one legged ass kicking scenario. Punk heads to the ring for the commercial break.

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Stunt Granny Audio #211

Posted on December 11, 2012 by stuntgranny

IdiotsEverywhere

Jeremy and Kevin are back and they’re talking about idiots, idiots everywhere. The biggest idiot may be in Kevin’s office. Kevin lays out his evidence and would like to know if you know anyone that competes in his utter lack of knowledge. They move on to talk about the idiots in the WWE. Why do they feel the need to have the heels lose all of the time? Does Eve Torres winning count as a heel victory? How about Vickie Guerrero? Jeremy took issue with Kevin not liking Brad Maddox. What excuse for poor writing did Kevin come up with? Somehow, the guys migrate to talking about the idiots that run TNA. What similarities do their idiots have with the WWE idiots? What would help Aces & Eights? Who didn’t know DOC stood for Director of Chaos? How does that dovetail with his wrestling viewing habits? Jeremy & Kevin do talk about the idiots running ROH. Not for long as they ping pong between TNA & the WWE. Could both companies learn from critically acclaimed television these days? Could they learn from children’s television? What lessons do they think the wrestling companies can learn? Join them in this audio journey.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #211

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Smackdown

Posted on November 16, 2012 by stuntgranny

The Miz kicks off the show in his home town. Mick Foley gets to bring his team down. They at least let the Miz still be pissed at Kofi. Good deal. Kane and Bryan bicker. Miz and Kofi bicker. Randy Orton becomes the voice of reason. He doesn’t help. My boy Dolph Ziggler comes out to brag and rag. Alberto Del Rio objects to Ziggler’s leadership. Mick Foley proposes matches. Damien Sandow gets to blame Kane for Cody Rhodes’s injury. Kofi challenges Sandow so that he can be concussed too.

They start the match after the break. How nice of them. Josh Matthews does a great job of selling for Rhodes too. JBL berating Matthews is a perfect tandem. Kofi Kingston nails a suicide diver before another commercial. Sandow is in control after the break. The Elbow of Disdain is such a fun name. Kofi starts it up. Kofi gets two off a sloppy spring board cross body. Sandow rolls up Kofi for the win.

Natalya, Kaitlyn and Layla El are taking on Aksana, Alicia Fox and Eve Torres. I love Smackdown because I can FF thru large chucks of replays. It goes quick. Matthews is doing a good job of grilling JBL about the (obviously) fake phone calls Vickie put together. Kaitlyn pins Fox for the win. She’s got the title shot so it had to happen. They’re pushing Survivor Series big time. Booker T talks to in the garage. He tells Sheamus that Big Show isn’t going to show up if Sheamus prowls the perimeter. Booker tells him to keep it in check for 48 hours. Booker getting tough.

The Miz & Randy Orton team against Dolph Ziggler & Alberto Del Rio. The Miz and Ziggler start the match. The heels have it but it’s way too quick for this match. Good plan to bring out the Miz in his hometown. Weird that they didn’t humiliate him. The Miz nails the Skull Crushing Finale on a blind tag. Randy Orton is not pleased.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed REview of @WWE #Raw

Posted on November 5, 2012 by stuntgranny

I’m an idiot for making plans to go to Raw while the Steelers play on Monday Night. They should slap around the Chiefs but I thought that about the Raiders & Titans. At least I get the returning of Jerry Lawler. Thank goodness I don’t get to hear that disaster.

The Miz tells Paul Heyman that him and Punk are full of crap. The Miz quits the team. Interesting start to the show.

R Truth just cut his best promo since the invention of Little Jimmy on Tout. They’re starting off with a six man tag match with no one important. Another interesting choice. Sin Cara starts off against Antonio Cesaro. I’m not happy about Rey Mysterio wearing the Frankenmask. Nothing happens before the first commercial break. At least they’re consistent about something. Mysterio getting the job of selling since Sin Cara can’t get that right either. R Truth gets the luke warm tag against Cesaro. Fun jaw jacker from Truth. A 619 by Rey puts Truth in position to give Cesaro the Downward Spiral for the win. They are really forcing that rivalry. It’s a nice stepping stone for Cesaro.

We get Vickie Guerrero and John Cena recap. Why are Jim Ross and Mitchell Cool wearing the same suit? Why is Jack Swagger in the crowd? My girl makes a good point in saying that a PG show shouldn’t be having a slutty storyline. For some reason the English crowd is eating up the bad Cena jokes. AJ goes into a door. This hotel has more security cameras than your average hotel. AJ is back stage somewhere because she will give Vickie the beating of her life. My boy Dolph Ziggler knows what AJ loves to do. For some reason, Cena chases after them. This storyline does feel like the AJ baby momma drama without the baby.

Paul Heyman is talking to Wade Barrett about joining Team Punk. Barrett doesn’t trust him. But Heyman is going to owe him one. The crowd is bonkers for Team Hell No. Daniel Bryan is wrestling Cody Rhodes. I’m tired of noting the people who do and don’t have entrances. They don’t give a care about the in ring product. The match length confirms it. Two guys who can go get three minutes at most. Rhodes with Cross Rhodes for the win. Rhodes runs his mouth after the match. They go to commercial as they tease a Kane vs Damien Sandow.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #HellInACell

Posted on October 28, 2012 by stuntgranny

I bought this pay per view at the last minute. I’m pretty interested in whether Ryback wins or not. I’m still leaning towards CM Punk keeping the belt.

Randy Orton (with a new hairdo so I guess he’s done filming) against Alberto Del Rio. I miss the first couple of minutes trying to do the introduction. I had to take the dogs on a short spin. This weather blows. It ranks up there for worst weather ever for a Columbus Crew game. It was top five ever. Del Rio is even terrible at mocking. This portion of the match has been solid so far. I need to pee really bad. I’m hoping for a break in the action.What the fuck did Del Rio just attempt off the top rope? Why does this guy keep getting chances? Why? Of course he locks in a cross arm breaker right after royally fucking up. Orton turns it into a school boy pin. RKO for the win. Enjoy your time in Kofi Kingston limbo, Alberto!

Paul Heyman tries to work Vickie Guerrero but it doesn’t seem to work. Daniel Bryan & Kane comes out first. Damien Sandow gets the mic when he comes out with Cody Rhodes. We are the tag team champions. They’re getting decent enough heat. Solid match so far with Daniel Bryan taking the beating after some sustained offense. My girl tells me that I missed Sandow flipping off Kane. Trying to make dinner in this process of watching HIAC. Bryan tags back in after Kane cleaned house. They start arguing. Kane disposes of Sandow. Bryan tosses Rhodes onto Kane. Bryan accidentally hits Kane in stead of Rhodes. Cross Rhodes but Kane makes the save. Kane starts going crazy. DQ cheap-o loss. I can dig this sort of. Rhodes & Sandow deserve more time in the spot light. So do Bryan & Kane. They have another month before the act is completely stale.

The Miz gets a promo before his match against Kofi Kingston. I’m uninterested in this match. It’s going on but I’m not caring. Miz kicks out of an SOS which is the first big move of the match. I do like the calf breaker Miz executed.  Nice of JR to allude to the Marcus Lattimore injury from this past Saturday. One of the ugliest injuries I’ve ever seen. The Miz takes off kofi’ protective padding. Oh No! Single leg Boston Crab which I still don’t understand. You have more control over their body if you have both legs. Small package for Kofi. Cocky pin after the DDT on Kofi only gets a two count. Kingston chucks Miz outside the ring. He catches Miz with Trouble in Paradise for the win.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on October 22, 2012 by stuntgranny

Well grandkids, I started doing some sketches on my way back from Des Moines for Stunt Granny logos. I have quite a few more but this was my favorite along with my gril’s. I took my sketch pad into work and they liked it the best too. This is the sign you will see at Raw in a couple of weeks. I’m quite sure my girl and I are in camera view. I may tweak it in the future to make it an official logo but it’ll work for Raw. Let me know what you think of it. If I get some more spare time, I’ll make up more signs with the other logos and test them out. In the meantime, Let’s roll.

It looks like Rey Mysterio is healthy again. AJ Lee is at an emergency meeting but will be back within the hour. She’s not the only one who is confused. I know they’re close by but why would they wait to have a meeting the night of the only show they care about? Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow get a joint intro. Sin Cara starts against Rhodes. I’m glad the luchadores have decided to go back to their original masks. The half masks were not a good look. There was some solid action before the break. A real break from the regular format with a two segment match to start.

Rey connects with the Double 619. What a smart move by Sandow to prevent the count. Cross Rhodes for the win. Kane & Daniel Bryan both tell them that they won’t win the title. Kane continues to be funny but they’re getting into the forcing it territory.

What the hell is going on? Another match? Why is Kofi Kingston getting to kick someone in the face again? Miz is at ring side. Michael McGillicutty is the scarificial lamb. Trouble In Paradise for the win. What a throw away segment.

And the ponderous 15 minute talking segment finally comes into view. It looks like John Cena gets to sell Ryback. His elbow is looking fine but if he doesn’t get in a match, I’m not buying it’s health. CM Punk will provide some relief. Hopefully. I can dig Punk making fun of Cena as a cheerleader. Cena says he’s medically cleared. Punk is pretending, I’d imagine. He’s doing quite a sell job on this. Heyman is cracking me up too.

Justin Gabriel takes on Antonio Cesaro, who grabs the mic before the match starts. Gabriel takes advantage. It doesn’t last too long. While talking about the marathon, the WWE continues some head scratching decisions by having Justin Gabriel nail the 450 for the win. I’m all for moving some people up but not at the expense of someone who is finally doing something.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Smackdown

Posted on October 12, 2012 by stuntgranny

From theChive.com

Tonight feels like an “Old School” night even if that only means going back six months. I’m sitting here in my condo by myself not doing a whole lot of anything on a Friday night except watching wrestling. I have a review in the dashboard ready for posting about Grand Canyon University which is the location of TNA’s Bound For Glory. I just watched Impact Live and have a nice slew of Tweets to prove it (Hint: @Stuntgranny). Now it’s time for Smackdown. Such is my life.

Good opening segment with Big Show, Sheamus and Booker T. I like doing something to further the feud without have a physical confrontation. Even though they created the artificial buzz for the WMD vs the Brogue Kick. Nice to keep Sheamus occupied with Tensai to keep him away from Show and to finish their match from last week. Too bad Tensai is going to take another loss.

They did not waste any time going with the rematch after the break. I liked Sheamus pacing like a caged animal. Josh Matthews corrects me and says that Sheamus Brogue Kicked Tensai during his match with Big Show last week. Whoops. JBL is doing a great sales job again on Tensai. I have liked his in ring work more recently. Too bad the WWE keeps having him job to high ranking guys. Brogue Kick for the win. Nothing special but Alberto Del Rio bossing around Ricardo Rodrigeuz may have been his best mic work in the WWE.

Ricardo is looking for Randy Orton when he runs into Santino Marella. Ricardo sold that but that was Santino’s best work in a while. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal are teaming but they get some mic time first. Oh my lord, they’re doing group air guitar now. They didn’t really say why they were together but Mahal hinted at it. The WWE 13 commercial with CM Punk may have robbed a lot of work from Hitler, but it came out cool. It fits Punk’s earlier character.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on September 24, 2012 by stuntgranny

I had to lead off with one of the more ridiculous things my room mate has ever said to my girlfriend. Really, he has a whole lot of those but this one happened on Saturday. We were getting ready to go see Jim Norton over at the Funny Bone so I was making some pasta and tomato sauce. If anyone has read this column before, you know it’s a regular practice. As the sauce was cooking, I went up to take a shower leaving her down here to keep things in order. Roomie shows up plowed out of his mind (thanks to his brother in law. The one attached to the baby momma and the only reason he’s living in my basement. We’ll get to that insanity some other time.) and tells my girl that he taught me everything I knew about wine. Evidently he invited me over to his place to take informal classes and was taught how to pick my wines. He then decided to give the tomato sauce a little stir and told her “It wasn’t thick enough.” I was told this while we drove to the Funny Bone and I had quite a hearty laugh. I didn’t ever go over to his place for wine classes. I got most of my wine knowledge when I lived near Tuscan vineyards. We actually had a class on it while I was studying in Florence. As for his critique of my tomato sauce, he was correct but that’s only because it hadn’t cooked the proper length of time yet. What a dolt. Let’s roll.

Two referees in two weeks. What the hell is going on in Vince’s world? Is he that stuck on the NFL’s terrible referees? After a brow beating by CM Punk, Paul Heyman does it too. Vince is stuck on the NFL. Their ratings aren’t in the toilet. My girl doesn’t think the short shorts are GM leg wear. I beg to differ. AJ Lee sends him the ref to the back. I am pretty tired of the employees running things in wrestling. Punk re-shows the video of AJ proposing to him. Punk is being a real creep. That’s a good thing. Paul, you’re not going to trump any of those power couples. Just knock it off. Does the board not watch when sexual harassment is going on?

We get more referee TV time. The WWE keeps forgetting how many wrestlers they have on the roster. AJ promises to fire him while looking out into space. I like her acting but still don’t care for the story line of “Let’s fire every GM every show.” We have a Twitter fight turned into a wrestling match. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Kofi Kingston who is apparently still in a tag team since R Truth comes to the ring with him. Can’t someone take this loss to Ziggler that isn’t in a big tag team? From the tweets, it looks as made up as any bad WWE story. All story, little match before the break.

I want to break my lap top when Criss Angel weighs in on Lil’ Jimmy. Kofi is not helping out the quality of the match. Ziggler seems to be a little out of place on some of these moves too. Kofi is one of the few guys who could get the rise out of the crowd that he did since it’s believable he could win. Zig Zag for the win after a couple of near falls. Jim Ross & Mitchell Cool tell us about John Cena‘s injury. He’s going to give us a live update.

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