Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

The_Final_Countdown

I’m getting to start early because my boxer decided to fall asleep much earlier than expected. It looks like today starts the final count down to Wrestlemania. I hope this song sticks in your brain during the whole show. Let’s roll.

CM Punk & Paul Heyman get to start the show. If the Rock isn’t the last segment, I’ll be shocked. Punk is not getting much of a reaction. The crowd does get behind the Undertaker attack. The promo didn’t do a whole lot for me. Taker looks like he is mobile. I wonder what length of match he has in him though. Thirty seconds isn’t a test.

Fandango is supposed to make his in ring debut again. They talk about Chris Jericho who never should have been surprised by Fandango showing up when they put his entire entrance up on Smackdown. Jericho goes right after Fandango. Why did Jericho agree to work this angle? I’m confused that this is his thing headed into Wrestlemania. Dolph Ziggler was conveniently ready to go when Fandango ran off. Before the break, I was busy checking the news on Dustin Kilgore, who wrestles for Kent State. He won the the 197 pound division last year and lost this year in the championship 8-6. Impressive career. I wonder if he’ll follow in Dolph’s foot steps. Big E Langston interferes of course. A second attempt works for the Walls. Dolph taps. Langston ambushes him. Someone for their team needs some heat. Fandango comes back down. After dancing in front of him, he assaults Jericho. Why should I believe Fandango can beat Jericho if he just got the guy who has the MITB briefcase to tap? None.

They recap Smackdown again. It really must be Wrestlemania season. Two weeks in a row on this stuff. Sheamus gets to talk until the Shield attacks. These dummies aren’t traveling together? Randy Orton then Big Show make the save. Stay together or within closer ass kicking distance.

Mark Henry gets to continue his show of strength by beating the Usos. They got a splash in which is surprising. World’s Strongest Slam. Impressive but getting repetitive at this point. He’s had this character for a while. This Philly crowd seems luke warm.

They put the 9 PM switch to Antonio Cesaro taking on Alberto Del Rio. Good for them. Mitchell Cool informs us of frequent belt changes at Wrestlemania. I’ll remember that for the John Cena vs the  Rock match. Jack Swagger attacks Ricardo Rodriguez again. Del Rio makes the save. Cesaro celebrates the count out win. Kind of funny. Del Rio attacks Cesaro. Why are you making a baby face look like a petty dick?

The Prime Time Players get to play fodder to Team Hell No. You could convince me the crowd was half of 18,000+ Mitchell Cool just said. I feel bad for Cool when Lawler no sells his “Don’t work six days of the work” line. Kane choke slammed Young for the win.

HHH gives me plenty of catch up time. He delivered a HHH promo and didn’t waste time. I could handle that. HHH kicks Wade Barrett in the nuts.

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56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania 2000′s Best Matches

What’s the Roman numeral for 2000? Anyway, this was the biggest WrestleMania of the past five years without WWF’s biggest star, Steve Austin, on the card, so WWF went into heavy PR mode, including getting each of the four main-event participants a guest-host gig on Saturday Night Live. It was still an odd card, with only one singles match, for the Women’s Title. Somewhere in the chaos was one or two matches worth voting for, so have at it!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Brad-Pitt-fight-club-body

I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

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Stunt Granny Audio #218

marilyn-monroe-red-bandana

OH my god, you better hide your heart because Kevin and Dusty are coming! The fearless duo reunited once again to talk about the latest happenings in the world of WWE. Paul Bearer recently passed away and they discuss some of his career highlights. Dusty segues into a digression about the backstage gang warfare going on in the WWF in the mid 90s. Which gang wore black hats and spelled “crew” incorrectly? Which gang wore red bandanas? Why couldn’t the Hart family even agree on which gang to join? Meanwhile, Monday Night Raw was actually pretty good (except for the abysmal announcing). A troupe of doods made their case for trying to end the Undertaker’s streak. Who prevailed? Why did Big Show just recently realize that if he h it somebody, it would probably hurt? Did WWE miss an opportunity with Zack Ryder? Finally, they talk a little football and call it a night. All that and a whole lot more, so listen for the god of love. Oh, and check this out:

Iron Man Sneakers link – http://www.cbssports.com/nba/blog/eye-on-basketball/21824068/video-lebrons-new-%22iron-man%22-shoes-are-awesome

Stunt Granny Audio Show #218

Jack Swagger just screwed up his WrestleMania plans

This is Jack Swaggers wife.

This is Jack Swaggers wife.

Jack Swagger just totally ruined his push last night by getting arrested for Dui and for possession of marijuana, well pot, but it is the same thing. Actually, why isn’t it marijuana? When has it become acceptable to put slang terms in news stories?

Moving on, Swagger has been off television for months doing whatever it is you do when creative wants to repackage you. He comes back strong and with a distinct storyline. All he has to do is ride the momentum in to a good paycheck from WrestleMania 29. Instead he blazes up and then gets caught.  There is a reason I barely cover wrestling now.

This buffoon’s gimmick is that he is a real American and is now starting up a “War” with illegal immigrants which of course heads right in World Champion Alberto Del Rio’s direction. What he fails to realize is that the very marijuana he smoked up, allegedly, more than likely came from Mexico. He rails against the very people he exploits? God damnit, social issues are a bitch especially when you are a reasonable human being.

That really has nothing to do with anything though, the fact here is Swagger is a gigantic dumbass. He was given this push based on, um, well, yeah, um, nothing. So first thing he does is totally screw it up. Yeah WWE is toting the company line and saying he is responsible for his own actions and they are totally correct. He could have smoked up at the airport and not gotten behind the wheel and put himself and others in danger.  At least Big Show will still be available to knock out Swagegr and take Del Rios shot. Of course he will lose but it will turn in to the first WrestleMania money in the bank cash in. See, fantasy booking. I still got it.  -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

10lbsofCat5lbbag

I’m trying to do too much these days. I’m thinking this review will be more half assed than normal. Time to speed thru this puppy.

Randy Orton is fighting Antonio Cesaro. I’m thinking Orton is the new main event guy who puts new talent over. CM Punk comes out irate as he should be. He’s ready to do some party crashing. I remember the days. I have no idea why Vince McMahon can fire Paul Heyman. I’m glad the Miz is the hook for the match. Ugh. Of course even after the commercial break, nothing happens before the commercial break that follows the “beginning” of the match. It wasn’t worth starting a new paragraph.

I’m not even paying attention to the match. Uh oh, ref touching. The Miz allows Orton to hit the RKO. They’re staying the predictable course. The Miz gets to rub it in. I’m “loving” that Mitchell Cool is still on the Miz band wagon. Ryback needs to make us laugh. Stupid.

Even better, Matt Striker is hosting. The Prime Time Players get to be in this show down. Ryback’s joke is appropriate. I still don’t like his finisher. People are loving him though. Matt Striker deserved it. JBL is awesome for laughing at him. That woman in the front row, corner of the entrance is something else.

Wade Barrett gets to choose his opponent. Boy, I wonder why Bo Dallas eliminated him last night? Bo Dallas wins. I’m surprised. That seems pretty weak man. I’m all for the surprise win but it needs to look more flukey than that. John Cena is Cody Rhodes next match.

Cena is on Fruity Pebbles. Thank you Rock. Lawler is still talking about Goldust from last night. Cody Rhodes is leaving. The match was the right length. Cena with an AA. He gets to gab after the match. Cena tries to play the underdog card. He’s coming with an answer though. Of course he’s choosing the Rock or CM Punk. The Shield shows up. JBL calling the stupid card as he should be. Sheamus finally gets off his lazy ass. Ryback makes the real save. Are they actually putting over the Shield? The good guys still look like a bunch of idiots.

Tensai vs Brodus Clay in a lingerie pillow fight match. Thank goodness they begged off. I won’t be watching the Dance Off.

Oh jimminy cricket, Tensai still wore the lingerie. Poor Tensai. I’m laughing at him though. I’d love to see Brodus do a split. My girl likes his top. Clay teaches him to dance. I need more alcohol. Ron Simmons is still awesome. I’m guessing without watching that Alberto Del Rio is in a body slam match with the Big Show.

This is predictable shit. Wow, Big Show freaking out is not predictable. Maybe it shouldn’t be. They’re trying to make Del Rio more of a babyface. Ricardo’s tattoos are all terrible. He needs to get that shit covered up. The crowd isn’t buying it either. I’m enjoying Big Show toying with him.

Kaitlyn is moved into a match with Tamina. This is stupid. Oh, it’s lumber jills with show girl outfits. I like Kaitlyn’s outfit better. Her fashion has been questionable. Cat fight. Woof. Kaitlyn and Tamina stare at each other, kind of. Woof.

The Rock gets his time. Last segment before I deliver the girl back to her abode. Car repairs are a bitch. Thank you CM Punk. The manhood question is always available. I love Punk granting Rock a rematch. Rock’s got no answer on the mic really. The crowd is crushing him though.

Sheamus and Damien Sandow are in some type of a match. I heard it before I left. I don’t care. Ahh, tables match. Thanks for solving that one quickly. I’m glad Sandow is getting in more offense than Rhodes. I like the White Noise thru the table for the win. Figured it’d be a Brogue Kick.

I’m going to FF thru the Great Khali doing karaoke. 3MB makes it interesting. I’m glad Mitchell Cool is apologizing to the WWE Universe as he should be. I feel bad for Zack Ryder. Not sure I can type that enough times. He comes up with a fun character and he gets shit on. He doesn’t even get Heath Slater level TV exposure.

Raw is still Chris Jericho. Dolph Ziggler gets to respond to Jericho who paraded thru his baby face catch phrases. Dog peeing joke. Where’s Steph when you need to poop it up? Vickie Guerrero is back to being a baby face since Dolph is involved. They get to team together against Team Hell No. Kane & Daniel Bryan make it down before a commercial. Kane choke slams Ziggler after a cheap Jericho trick. At least it wasn’t as tedious as most of them. Trish Stratus is a deserving Hall of Fame member. I remember thinking she wasn’t going to be more than arm candy. She showed me way wrong. Hey  Miz, look at her ascent and get out of your rut.

trish stratus yoga.jpg_thumb

Paul Heyman gets to answer to Vince McMahon for the main event. I’m not going to like this. The camera man is a snitch. The godfather moment is kind of funny. Brock Lesnar wakes me up from my coma. OK, good reason for this to be in the main event. I love him just pointing at Heyman. F5. HHH vs Brock is confirmed on TV. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio: 2013 WWE Royal Rumble Preview

It’s time to RRRRUMMMBLLLLLLLEEEE!

It’s another edition of Stunt Granny Audio, this time with Kevin and Eric previewing the upcoming 2013 WWE Royal Rumble. Who is the likely winner of the big Rumble match? Who are the dark horses? How will 2013 compare to classics of the past (1992, 2001) and hot garbage of our nightmares (1995, 2009)? What about the singles matches? Who doesn’t stand at the end of the Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio Last Man Standing match? Who interferes instead of the Shield in the Rock vs. CM Punk match? And which one-time burn victim will have the least facial hair when Kane & Daniel Bryan take on Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow? Will anyone watch the Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro pre-show match? What about favorite memories from Rumbles past? Favorite surprise entrants? The answers may… SURPRISE you! All this and not much more just by clicking below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show- 2013 WWE Royal Rumble Preview

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

martin-luther-king-jr2

I don’t get off for Martin Luther King Day. At least I have something in common with the WWE wrestlers. I’m starting late after recording about Gangster Squad. Let’s roll.

Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman come out to start the show. Dear lord, toothless man in the front row. If you can afford those tickets, can’t you afford some fake teeth? Paul Heyman lays it on thick as usual. Replay already. And more replay. It wasn’t the Rock‘s best work. I saw somewhere that he doesn’t owe us to change his schtick. That’s fine. Just know that I know it’s recycled material and I will continue to not like it. Cheesiest police set up ever. The police are not the guards at Buckingham Palace. Vickie gets to play the tired, old heel schtick.

Beat The Clock Challenge between Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro. They love the long start to this challenge then the matches slowly start to resemble normal Raw length matches. Nothing happens before the break. The WWE loves it’s own formulas. I had glazed over the #BeatTheClock stuff until Mitchell Cool pointed it out. He’s doing his job. Since the winner gets to pick their number, a heel wins this challenge, right? RKO out of nowhere for an 11:36 match time. They try to build drama. I’m not biting. Nice of them to give Mick Foley a full career run down. The Shield tries to look like terrorists. They’re just getting started without still having any distinct personality traits or a winning in ring match.

Brad Maddox is going to get more air time than the match between Big Show and Zack Ryder. WMD for a short match. Big Show got screwed in the Beat The Clock challenge.

Brad Maddox gets more air time with Paul Heyman who invites him on board. 3MB is air guitaring. So stupid but somewhat funny. Ryback gets to crush Heath Slater. Heath gets a spoonful of offense. Finish him. Ryback got screwed in the challenge too. He’s got a mic again. The Rock is still jonsesing to get in. Vickie bribed their boss and admitted it on camera. Doesn’t she get arrested now? Why are they wearing the same outfit? Vickie can’t stop laughing at the Rock.

CM Punk gets his promo time. The WWE Title is his life’s work. Punk is doing what he can to make fun of the fans. They don’t seem to be buying it. A solid promo. The content was a little “Eh” to me. I love his facial expressions.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Fat-Guy-In-A-Little-Beach

That was the champion of Ring of Honor after his Ladder War with El Generico who I thought signed with the WWE after this match (I got no idea why. He’s tall but that’s it.) and he hasn’t been on ROH TV for the rest of 2012 except in highlights at the top of the year. Kevin Steen could barely beat a bean pole who hasn’t wrestled all year. I almost forgot to mention Kevin Kelly comparing this rivalry to classic sports rivalries. When I’m not aware of a feud, it’s not that epic, Kevin. Quit ruining a great name. Then just for icing on the cake (Probably extra thick for Steen), he laid on a ladder like a beached whale. Stay classy, ROH. Let’s roll.

Vince McMahon is cramming so much crap into this show, he doesn’t even get a ring entrance. Good lord, he’s blowing himself. At least he has a good suit on this week. Hard to go wrong with black with white shirt. Howard Finkel could have been a better hype man. Big Show is making his pitch. Vince goes for the title fat joke. Nice. Damn, three man booth even if JBL is awesome. Big Show going kind of racist. Alberto Del Rio (along with a very windy Ricardo Rodriguez)  gets to join the circus. Del Rio is a dip shit and puts his title on the line. It’s Dora The Explorer for wrestling fans when they chant in Spanish.

For some reason, Randy Orton is fighting Wade Barrett again. These guys have done battle too much in the recent past. Commercial. Let’s see if I catch up tonight. Hard doing a fantasy hockey draft while doing the column too. Holy shit, I was not paying attention to this match because I figured Orton would win. Instead, Barrett wins clean. Color me shocked.

Booker T lays the Smackdown on Eve Torres before her match. Teddy Long is their for moral support. I guess she is gone after tonight. I don’t get the use of the Diva’s. They spend the last 6-12 months building her up into the biggest Diva of right now and they let her walk? Now we get our Kane & Daniel Bryan segment with Doctor Shelby. They give us a psychology lesson when Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes show up. Not their best segment. Kane takes on Sandow after the commercial break. Kane wins in another match that doesn’t matter.

Mick Foley is introduced as the first nominee in the WWE Hall of Fame. Good deal. The Shield comes down before Foley can go anywhere. Ryback, Randy Orton & Sheamus make the save. Okay. Ryback makes a good stance on the conspiracy and not being concerned about it. Feed Me Shield. That is way too shoe horned.

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Stunt Granny Audio #213

Fat-Kid

Well better late than never right? It is Stunt Granny Audio Show #213 and it is a very special one at that. Eric makes his return and talks a bunch. Yup. What has he been up to? What is vaginitis? Who in the house has it? The answers will shock and amaze or not. It depends on how easily impressed you are really. There is some actual wrestling talk as Eric and Jeremy discuss, oh sorry this is The Asshole Edition, CM Punks promo, the return of The Rock and the upcoming Raw 20th Anniversary show. They even manage to talk about Alberto Del Rio winning the World Title on Smackdown with a sprinkle of “How dumb is Billy Graham.” There is more but you have to listen to find out. So get to downloading.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #213

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