Jeremy: So what you think of Survivor Series?
Eric: I’m not gonna lie: it’s the first WWE PPV I’ve seen since we went to WrestleMania, and I liked it a lot. Thumbs higher than the middle. What about you?
Jeremy: Ehh, it was a decent show but for $55.00 I expect more. No new talent, nothing shocking or anything to make you talk about the show. I expected Nash or Triple H, Skip Sheffield, anything or anyone to make it a head slapper for not ordering and it wasn’t one of those shows.
Eric: I paid $5 to see it with a group of people I’d never met, and thankfully they were making references to Giant Gonzalez and random stuff like that, so they were cool.
Jeremy: I was all on my own. Well, I had Twitter.
Eric: Honestly, had Hunter or Nash come out, I would have slapped my head for being suckered into watching it. I’m so happy those two assholes stayed out of it.
Jeremy: Figured Nash would come out to cost Punk the title and Triple H would have stopped him. Suppose they are letting that angle actually play out for a while.
Eric: I thought there was plenty to talk about, just nothing earth-shattering. Dolph Ziggler coming into his own even more is worth talking about, yes?
Jeremy: Yes, Ziggler continues to look like he will be a player. The crowd being behind him was not unexpected.
Eric: Yeah, it’s hard not to cheer for someone that good. And hard not to boo someone like John Morrison, who still to this day doesn’t look like he could beat either of us in a fight. Really glad to hear all the “We Want Ryder” chants, and then see him come out briefly. Just that tease was all we needed. And Vickie Guerrero is still great as the “fat Sensational Sherri,” dubbed by a guy at this party.
Jeremy: She isn’t fat though as I pointed out on Twitter @stuntgranny. John Morrison is totally hateable. He is oblivious to the fact he is a nerd trying to act cool. Letting other guys fuck your girlfriend behind your back or whatever has a negative impact on your following as well. The match itself was pretty good though and it was built like every Ziggler match. Started slow then picked up big time.
Eric: Yeah, nothing wrong with that type of build. And sure, Vickie isn’t “fat” anymore, but she still has that jowly mom-face that she’ll never get rid of. Either way, she’s awesome at what she does. John Morrison sucks. His clotheslines are worse than Karl Malone’s.
(Production note for all you readers out there: Eric took a bathroom break during this discussion to re-create the Beth Phoenix-Eve match.)
Eric: Only good thing about the women’s match was the finish, yet I still don’t understand how Beth falls on her stomach yet comes up holding her tailbone. Unless Punk has been railing nonstop for days.
Jeremy: See I missed that part because I overreacted to the Super GlamSlam! By that I mean I was shaking my head to fast to notice. It was ugly and not in a good way. The most impressive part is that a 1950s stag film is now considered mainstream entertainment.
Eric: Not that I wasn’t 90% sure what you meant by that, but word to our readers: Don’t Google “stag film” at work and then go to the result at archive.org.
Jeremy: They should have shot the match in black and white and it would make more sense. They are practically in their underwear and they have that big woman fetish thing going. It was so taboo. Those old timey morons had no idea that is how a woman should be built. Yum. And I know you are in lust with Kelly Kelly but she only validates the heels’ point. Hearing CM Punk goof on her on Opie and Anthony kind of cemented it for me.
Eric: Alright, traditional Survivor Series match, starting with Ziggler pulling double duty. I guess it makes sense for the guy who just wrestled for 11 minutes to get beat pretty handily, right?
Eric: Oops, before the elimination match: How about the Rock glory-hounding 30 minutes of our time talking about how great he is?
Jeremy: Yeah I was wondering why they continue to have Rock kill his pop. They did it on Raw as well. The first time you see him should be when he enters the arena. His music hits. They were going to be rocking out for him but I thought this segment watered his reaction down. Unless it was by design.
Eric: And see, I agree for the most part, but I was thinking they’d put Cena on the screen to whet the crowd’s whistle so that when he came out, he’d get booed out of the building. Oh wait, he did anyway. But it could have been by design with the Rock; WWE knows it can’t 100% shit on its No. 1 babyface.
Jeremy: Exactly. Not to get ahead but Cena didn’t even try to change peoples minds.
Eric: Nope. I fully expect another Cena promo tonight about not telling people “whether to boo me or cheer for me.”
Jeremy: For sure.
Eric: Alright, elimination match time. These things get more and more predictable every year, save for the hideous injury to Sin Cara. The babyfaces go up by one, the heels make a comeback and eliminate the monster face, a few rapid-fire eliminations, blah blah blah. Can’t account for Sin Cara’s freak injury, nor for the awful, awful booking of Sheamus. It doesn’t protect him, it makes him look like a damn fool and doesn’t make him the least bit sympathetic.
Jeremy: On the Sheamus part, those knee strikes to the head were fantastic. I mentioned that for the first time I can remember that looked like a reasonable DQ. If the referee would have waited a bit longer it would have helped. When Sin Cara got caught on the rope I just sighed. Then shook my head when he crumbled to the floor. What a disaster he has been.
Eric: Hunter probably had his head in his hands in disbelief at this mess of a signing. Oh well, can’t win them all. How about the heels going over in this one? Are we still on the Barrett bandwagon? I feel like you either like him or you don’t give a shit about him, but there’s actually no legit heel heat for the poor bastard anymore.
Jeremy: Yeah he has definitely fallen off in the heat department. They are trying but when you say “Barrett Barrage” you deserve to be ignored.
Eric: Correction: “Barrett BAAAR-rahgg”
Jeremy: Ugh, that doesn’t help matters. It isn’t his fault, it is that idiotic style of writing. It is not natural and it always seems forced. The Apex Predator, The Great White Sheamus, all that garbage.
Benoit and his “Prove me wrong!” catch phrase.
Eric: Oh, sorry, I’ve only read about that guy. Anyway, Cody Rhodes, the shining star of the match?
Jeremy: I would have to say so. Dropping the mask and adding knee pads has done wonders for him.
Eric: Absolutely. Even the people at this apartment I went to popped for the knee pads. “Now his legs don’t look like a 12-year-old girl’s.”
Jeremy: Which is good because having a boner during Cody Rhodes matches was getting uncomfortable.
Jeremy: The one thing that stood out to me in this match is the fact Hunico last so long.
Eric: Yeah, but it was literally only so Randy Orton could do that huge RKO to him. Definitely not a sign of a push.
Jeremy: I am under no impression it was part of a push. I just expected him to get the Mike Knox treatment.
Eric: As Shawn Michaels said, “Who was that?”
Eric: Alright, Big Show-Mark Henry was literally one big move every 90 seconds, and yet it’s not touted as every bit the classic Undertaker-Triple H was at WrestleMania 27. What’s the deal here?
Jeremy: Black joke or fat joke?
Eric: Flip a coin.
Jeremy: I kid. It is because they have to build Undertaker at WrestleMania as special. Triple H has to be the world beater. Mark Henry is four months in to a push and Big Show is booked wrong.
Eric: Well, there’s also the fact that Undertaker-Triple H sucked humongous elephant balls, but that’s no longer the point. I thought this match was plodding but OK, had the requisite 2-3 big spots where things got demolished or a big guy did a small-guy move, and then it ended surprisingly.
Jeremy: My favorite part was the end. No joke here. When Henry sold the ankle and told the trainer “If you touch it again I’ll punch you.”
Eric: That was fantastic. I was also a big fan of the “Un-der-ta-ker” chants, but again, what are you gonna do? It’s a rowdy NYC crowd.
Jeremy: The “boring” chant stood out as well since, yeah, it was boring. They have had better matches. Hence my disappointment. Henry and SHow have been busting their asses in matches the last two months at the least. So seeing them plod around was pretty disappointing.
Eric: It’s true. Alright, be honest, R-Truth’s promo: Best thing all night, or best thing all day and night?
Jeremy: Well the Lions came back and won Sunday so I would say all night. Pigeons.
Eric: That was fantastic. You expect a curve ball from Truth, and you get a fast ball right down the middle: “Nothin’! They pigeons! They cain’t talk!”
Jeremy: The crowd ate it up as well. I know that has to be a reused joke but can;t place it. Miz selling it was perfect as well.
Eric: Yeah, how he stood there with a straight face is beyond me.
Jeremy: This is why their team up works. Miz doesn’t act like he is retarded.
Eric: Yeah, the two don’t “belong” together, but it’s a temporary fix. Speaking of temporary, we also popped huge when Howard Finkel was announced.
Jeremy: Well this is my fault I guess. I was expecting Colt Cabana. So it was sort of a letdown but then he came out and brought his luggage apparently so it was all good.
Eric: Yeah, I shouted Colt’s name, too. Fink’s luggage looks like it was stuffed down his shirt. Holy cow, he’s not getting a lot of cardio now that he doesn’t walk to the ring every night. Honestly, it was all the little touches before and after that match that made it. The punk rock H2O hoodie, the Fink, the “clobberin’ time” scream, the Lambeau Leap into the crowd after winning the belt… the hot NYC crowd the whole time, including their “Colt-Ca-Ba-Na” chant. I thought the match was passable, but anything that didn’t click was ol’ One-Dimensional Del Rio’s fault.
Jeremy: OK, the Clobberin’ Time was a nice touch because they left the volume up on him. Usually it is muted. Wondered if that was a copyright issue. Del Rio had a good finishing sequence. Him clawing at Punk’s face but it should have lasted longer.
Eric: OK, that might have been the only decent thing Del Rio did, but if you have him claw at Punk’s face much longer, Punk wouldn’t have a face. (If wrestling were real.)
Jeremy: OK, to be clearer he should have faded a bit. He was in mid-claw and decided to tap. Drag it out a minute. Show exhaustion if you will. Not just claw claw tap tap tap. Struggle a bit more, like he has with crowd heat and credibility.
Eric: Well played, you rogue.
Jeremy: Also, Ricardo, I swear said mumble mumble brbrbrbrbrb uinstead of actual Mexican language.
Eric: Well, at one point, Justin Roberts said “Dolph Ziggler has been eeeuuuminated.” Maybe everyone was on the happy juice last night.
Jeremy: Or Justin Roberts just sucks. Oh, he does.
Eric: That could very well be. “JEEEYAAWWWWN…. CEEEEEEEEE-NAAAAAAAH!”
Jeremy: Funny how I see a yawn in that name.
Eric: Imagine that. So the night caps off with a really good showing by Rock, some awkward emotion from John Cena, and two jobbers… what were their names again? I guess the match was entertaining, but it didn’t do much for Miz or Truth, it makes keeping Cena atop the babyface heap even harder to rationalize, and it shows Rock chewing up scenery like a hungry dog.
Jeremy: Having Rock out there shows the talent deficiency all around. Here is a guy out for 7 years and he showed no signs of rust at all.
Eric: Ha, no kidding. And then you have shit heads out there like Kofi Kingston, who looks like he’s going to break his leg with every sloppy move, and Sin Cara, who DOES break his fucking leg with every move.
Jeremy: Kofi just sucks. I liked hwo you could hear everyone talking during the match, it was taken as serious business. But at no time was there any danger of Rock and Cena losing.
Eric: Not at all.
Jeremy: Miz and Truth were serviceable and they did their job. Cena was a little baffling as he acted like a beaten dog every time Rock looked at him.
Eric: Yeah, I didn’t get that at all. Your No. 1 guy should not be sheepish. Hogan never was, he was on a coke-fueled rampage for 8 straight years.
Jeremy: Hogan was THE man though and he knew it. Cena knows he is a man. You couldn’t replace Hogan at the time. Yeah Steamboat got up there but no one could eclipse Hogan and he knew it. WWE can replace Cena easily. If a match had ever screamed “desperation buys” this was the one.
Eric: And here we are, discussing it. One small step for WWE. Alright, time to re-heat some homemade chili.