From BrainlessTales.com

I am really hoping for a lop sided game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Tennessee Titans. The Steelers should win easily but they’ve made a bad habit of treating easy opponents like they are Super Bowl champions in the making under Mike Tomlin. I can only hope I’ll finish this column before Tuesday starts on the East Coast. I don’t get my wish and now I’m irate as I begin this column at half time.

HHH gives us a woe as me speech. HHH points out that everyone loves Vince now even though he was once evil. I’m just really tired of this gimmick HHH. That’s the beginning and the end of my hate of you. You’ve done a good job with what you’re doing, but I’m just bored with the Vince gimmick that you are imitating. HHH, why would the inmates run the asylum? Why are you ignoring the elephant in the room that someone other than John Cena or Dolph Ziggler would run the show? Stephanie points out that Team Cena is down one person. She addresses Ryback and his possible inclusion on Team Cena. Steph makes Kane apologize to Ryback. Steph acknowledges history in the WWE. Then will tell us we forget about it in the next segment. Steph sells respect for Ryback. He says he only plays for Team Ryback. It makes sense for his gimmick.

Luke Harper is taking on Dolph Ziggler for the IC Title. The Steelers are extremely frustrating. Their fourth quarter showed why they should have dominated the Titans instead of narrowly beating them. (Next Day Note: This win is a win bull shirt they’re passing along is for the birds. I don’t care that Le’Veon Bell again got me huge fantasy points.) The Authority attacks before the bell rings. Dolph fights his way back up and screams for the bell to ring. Ziggler kicks out after a Big Boot. Sit Down Power Bomb only gets a two count. Harper misses a corner charge. Harper recovered first. Gator roll. Harper wears down Ziggler. Jaw jack by Ziggler. Harper goes shoulder first into the post. Fame Asser gets a two count. Black Hole Slam by Harper gets a two. Super kick by Ziggler gets a two count. Discus clothesline for the win. Luke Harper is your new IC Champion. I’m still surprised I saw him in Pro Wrestling Ohio. Ziggler gets Curb Stomped after the match. How does Team Cena allow that to happen?

The Miz thinks that he & Damien Mizdow will be the summer block buster of 2015. Poor sap has to talk to Grumpy Cat. The Miz doesn’t get props for Grumpy Stunt Cat. The Miz storms out. This is going to be even stupider than I thought it would be, which was pretty stupid. The Bunny does the Plunge before Adam Rose can.

My brain hurts every time Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole defend the Bunny who is clearly screwing over his owner? Whatever Adam Rose is in this situation. To add to the train wreck, Natalya is out there with Tyson Kidd. The Bunny Flirts with Natalya. Rose gets distracted by that for some unknown reason. Rose taps out again to the Sharpshooter. Rose goes for a clothes line, The Bunny ducks and humps him. How is that PG? (Next Day Note: Did the WWE not get the report from Uproxx by way of the Wrestling Observer that their audience’s average age is 41.4? I’m pretty much the average age and find nothing funny about a gentleman in a bunny suit humping another man. It’s not disturbing either. It’s just stupid.)

I’m far beyond watching entrances even as cool as Bray Wyatt‘s. He’s ready to save Dean Ambrose but I’m not buying that he had to get rid of his other charges to accomplish this mission.  Dean Ambrose isn’t ready for any saving. He then tells us he taped his response earlier in the day and attacks Wyatt from the crowd. (Next Day Note: I could have done without the reveal coming before the attack. Wyatt had a chance to react to Ambrose not being in the back. I’d also like to note that two guys who shouldn’t lose are fighting it out. Why aren’t they being fed to older performers who can sustain the loss? It’s why Ambrose got screwed in the HIAC match with Seth Rollins.)

Cesaro and Ryback are matched up. Bickering about who the winner of the Team Cena vs Team Authority is more important than calling this match. The announcers do finally wonder who will take over for the Authority. They then get to pretend that the WWE Board doesn’t exist. My brain hurts. I’m completely baffled by Cesaro’s trajectory this year. He’s winning at a commercial break. It’s the small victories, Antonio. Ryback with a belly to belly throw. Cesaro drops Ryback over the top rope. It doesn’t faze him. Ryback hits a middle rope splash. Power bomb by Ryback. Cesaro nails a German Suplex. A short break then a second. Cesaro hits a third. Cesaro bridges on the fourth suplex but only gets two. Cesaro hits a top rope elbow. Still two. Gorilla Slam by Ryback. Uppercut then a Super Uppercut by Cesaro. Ryback counters a Neutralizer. Ryback with a Meathook after some more counters. Shellshock for the win. Glad the announcers noticed it was a good match with two minutes to go. John Cena can only hope that everyone makes it to the contract signing. No hope to sign Ryback which makes me think he will.

Nope, you shouldn’t search for these pictures when I mention nudes & Kim Kardashian.

Rusev‘s entrance didn’t stand a chance. Lana had to wait until after the break to speak. Why couldn’t this be on the second screen experience? Shut Up! Lana is disgusted by Kim Kardashian. So she’s telling us she posed nude. How is this PG again? I’m no prude, I’m just saying. Chuckle worthy gag with Vladimir Putin being shirtless. You knew you weren’t getting the pay off. Heath Slater is dressed up like Uncle Sam for reasons behind my comprehension. The Accolade. Nothing more to type about that match. The Miz pitches Grumpy Cat another movie idea. Erick Rowan shows up. Grumpy Cat looks like it’s sleeping. Rowan takes the Grumpy Stunt Cat. Why am I watching this as an adult again? Oh that’s right, I decided to try and make money off of this site. Thanks for reminding me. (Next Day Note: Sometimes I hate myself.)

The Big Show hits the ring. Stephanie gets more mic time. Steph wants to give Show a spot in the WWE Hall of Fame in 2015 if he decides not to sign with Team Cena. Before Big Show can answer, Sheamus shows up. Steph mocks Sheamus. Steph threatens to revoke his visa. On live TV. I’m sure that’s perfectly legal. They have to fight for a championship match. Show gets the better of the early exchange. He continued his streak through the break. JBL points out the “Global television” point when it’s convenient. Big Show spears Sheamus as he comes off the top. Sheamus hits White Noise. Choke slam by Big Show only gets a two count. Yes JBL, the only choice to run any business is the current business owner. Companies never change hands. Rusev & Mark Henry attack causing the DQ. Sheamus gets World’s Strongest Slammed on the announce table. Big Show is passed out in the Accolade.

Brie Bella comes out dressed up like AJ Lee. Nikki Bella comes out looking like she wants to sleep with the High School QB. This is an exhibition match. AJ Lee defends Brie better than Lawler or Cole can by pointing out that Nikki should appreciate her sister. AJ jumps onto the apron. Brie rolls up Nikki for the win. Nikki attacks Brie. AJ gives a shining Wizard to Nikki. Then takes out Brie. Why is AJ Lee facing another heel for the Divas Title? (Next Day Note: Does the WWE not get the concept for Good Girl vs Bad Girl? You’re writing their story. Have Brie go over Nikki then we have a match up for one person to cheer & the other to boo. I’m sure I just don’t understand. I will admit to being surprised by not seeing more Nikki lording over Brie skits.)

I have to rewind to see Big E in the New Day vignette. I guess it could still be the Blaxtion (TM). John Cena calls the Big Guy, Big Man. Ryback calls him out. Cena tells him he earned his respect when they beat the hell out of each other. Cena tells Ryback that he isn’t ready for the Big Boy Table. Good call out on Cena’s part.

We have an eight man tag match since the WWE. Diego is Primo, if I can remember that. He’s fighting the Miz. He puts on a wrist lock. Mizdow gets a tease tag. Goldust comes in. Los Matadores go flying into the break. The Miz is in control of Diego. Goldust starts working over him again. JBL can’t stop saying Marie Leveau. I can’t stop thinking how poorly these guys do their job. Mizdow finally gets the big tag. The Miz tags back in quickly. Miz gets launched out of the ring. Flapjack on Stardust. The Usos clean house. The Samoan Drop turns into a throw. Finisher spot in these multi-man tag matches. Dark Matter for the win. Fatal Four Way at Survivor Series. (Next Day Note: The tag team division is getting screwed. Not a fan of Los Matadores booking but they can wrestle just fine. Miz & Mizdow are in a weird spot since one is now a cult baby face. Am I allowed to say they were wasted on Grumpy Cat tonight?)

HHH has the mic again. This is why I don’t want you on TV. I want wrestlers to have this mic time and not the GM/Authority. HHH says they won’t lose. Steph sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me at this point in the evening. I’m almost guaranteeing this segment runs long for no valid reason. (Next Day Note: Of course it did. I only missed the Ryback reveal which was predictable as Survivor Series being free on Sunday on the WWE Network.) John Cena comes out by himself. Why is he getting more mic time? He’s going to pick four people out of the crowd. This is a stupid speech. He’s even turning this into a joke. Cena sells the passion for the WWE again. Cena makes jokes about all of the Team Authority members. How is this segment selling Survivor Series? Even if it is for free? Dolph Ziggler shows up. Big Show comes out. Erick Rowan is on Team Cena for what reason? Holy cluster fuck, what happened to the Wyatt Family? Cesaro comes out but then goes to Team Authority. Ryback ends up joining Team Cena. No one is Shell Shocked. – Kevin