Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 3 July ’17

The David & Gladys Wright House in Phoenix AZ. Photo by Tom Tingle/The Republic. Saved from

Enzo Amore had to get some credibility and tried to talk his way into it.

Sasha Banks & Bayley vs Alexa Bliss & Nia Jax – I was really surprised by how the Bank Statement was applied more than the outcome even with Bayley being Koed early in the bout. Banks needs a rebuilding and a win like that will help. Unlike her win last week

Braun Strowman continues to be a scary, scary man. He wants more competition since Roman Reigns won’t be at the Great Balls of Fire (GBOF) according to his sources. Kurt Angle tells Strowman he has terrible sources. Strowman tells Angle he shouldn’t wear a grey shirt and a grey suit jacket. Or maybe he said he wants a good replacement at GBOF if his sources are right.

Cedric Alexander vs Noam Dar with Alicia Fox. Why did the WWE decided to stick with this “Cedric and Alicia Broke Up” story lines when they’ve forgotten far more important ones? Lumbar Check for the Alexander win after Fox attempted to interfere.

The Miz, Maryse and the Miztourage (Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel) are in the ring. The Miz as usual does a great job of getting heat. The Miz tells everyone that Ambrose melts in the spotlight where he revels. Dean Ambrose comes out and wants his rematch for the Intercontinental Championship tonight. Heath Slater comes out and states his case for getting a match against The Miz. Kurt Angle comes out and gets verbally slapped by the Miz. Angle gives the Miz against Slater next.

I’m so confused why they decided to pick today to have Heath Slater look like a good wrestler. Am I supposed to forget he’s been buried longer than the Cedric Broke Up With Alicia Fox story line has been going on? Miz still won with a Skull Crushing Finale.

Titus O’Neil talks Apollo Crews into having a match with Strowman. Crews is dumb as bricks.

The Shattered Truth finally debuts. The film no one has been clamoring for. R Truth is eating popcorn behind Goldust after the film. Goldie gets whooped. Fin.

Sheamus & Cesaro get a 30 Minute Iron Man Match against The Hardy Boyz.

Seth Rollins takes on Curt Hawkins again. Rainmaker Knee Strike for the win. Rollins is fired up to take on Bray Wyatt at GBOF.

Samoa Joe has made statements and Brock Lesnar has done nothing.Joe gets on trying to rile up Brock Lesnar but fails to do so. Brock Lesnar keeps on laughing at him. Samoa Joe leaves the interview and finds Lesnar only to be the first person to ever be held back by only security.

Neville took on Mustafa Ali without having Akira Tozawa distracting him which makes this match really weird. Isn’t the heel supposed to lose that way? To boot, Ali has done nothing but lose on Raw. Rings of Saturn for the win.

Bray Wyatt uses the landscape around Phoenix to his advantage. He’s going to burn Rollins like a Sun God. Fantastic.

Finn Balor takes on Cesaro who has Sheamus at ring side. Matt & Jeff Hardy are on the head set. Elias Samson joins the fun to distract Balor. That’s when the Hardy’s go to ring side. Balor nails the flip dive onto everyone. Balor gets flap jacked on the ring apron. Everyone takes out everyone. Balor ends by drop kicking Cesaro into the barricade. Coup De Grace for the win.

Boy was I disappointed when I realized that match wasn’t the main event. Apollo Crews is taking on Braun Strowman. Titus O’Neil is at ring side to come close to evening the odds. Strowman mule kicks Crews across the ring which made this being the main event worth it. I’m allowed to change my mind. Strowman triple power slams Crews for the win. O’Neil takes his chance against Strowman. He gets a power slam for his efforts. Strowman tosses Crews into the ambulance. Roman Reigns ends up being the driver. Reigns spears Strowman off the stage. Every male adult breaths a sigh of relief since Strowman will likely win on Sunday now.  – Kevin DiFrango

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply