Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 11, 2013 by stuntgranny

San Jose at CBJ

Time to motor thru an episode of Raw. I’ll fill in the amusing details of the Columbus Blue Jackets experience later.

Paul Heyman gets to pontificate to start the show. After a recap of course. He is doing a great job of selling himself as the victim. CM Punk wants things to go back to normal. Heyman mouthing “Thank you God” is hilarious. My girl disagrees. I thought they both solid the sickening love-fest well.

The Great Khali gets to lose to Mark Henry for the I don’t know how many-eth time. The girl starts the hate on Henry because he has small eyeballs. World’s Strongest Slam. Henry stalks Hornswoggle. The crowd chants “One more time” as Lawler complains.

Booker T & Teddy Long are trying to talk jive when Chris Jericho arrives. Y2J wants in the Chamber. He has to beat someone who is in the Chamber already. He has to beat Daniel Bryan. Booker tries not to laugh at Jericho. We get our GM fill with Vickie Guerrero. Paul Heyman wants time. He gets speaker phone time with Vince. They go with the DQ title change over stipulation. Seems like a good bickering point when Punk loses. I look up this video because of “The Dazzler” signs in the crowd.

Chris Jericho is out after the break. Bryan is starting to look really weird. The wet hair is a special odd ball touch. Fun match until the break. No surprise out of these two. This match has show cased Bryan as much as any recent match. Nice reversal into the No Lock. Sort of. Code Breaker. Jericho is in the Chamber. Fun match. I’d love to see them in a longer match.

Ryback, Sheamus & John Cena get to decimate 3MB. Sometimes it’s hard to believe Drew McIntyre was anointed by Vince about the same time Sheamus broke in. Triple finisher. I want to puke. Triple promo. Double puke. Alex Riley & Yoshi Tatsu get camera time just to get beat up by Big Show. Congrats guys.

The Big Show knocks out Matt Striker to start the interview. Then says nothing. Interesting.

Jack Swagger gets a manager. Zeb Colter is his name. I think. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him. Patriot Act. Snooze. Rinse, repeat. Take your choice. Swagger introduces Colter. He gives the standard “We hate the foreigners” trope. Booker T puts Swagger in the Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler shows off his briefcase. He wants in the Chamber. Big E Langston speaks up. Booker T has an opponent in mind. It’s Kane.

Cody Rhodes gets downgraded already by getting to lose to the Miz while Antonio Cesaro is in the booth. The Miz attacks Cesaro so they won’t sacrifice Cody. Nice choice. The Miz swinging was a nice touch by Cesaro.

Brodus Clay & Tensai are still teaming. Only way to be a good tag team now, odd couple. I wish Rosa Mendes was dancing. Epico & Primo are getting rag dolled. Tensai splash for the win. The Funkettes take out Rosa Mendes. The flip over the top ropes was pretty sweet.

Dean Ambrose starts off the talking for the Shield. They all get their turns. They make a threat. The faces wait it out and turn out the lights. I have no idea how any one of the Shield wins at EC. They’ve had their asses handed to them in any even handed situation for their whole run.

Damien Sandow gets the mic. He runs down country music in a much more high brow manner than anyone ever. I do feel welcome. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Wow, Sandow dropped that elbow way too early. This match is ending with a quickness. Cross arm breaker. At least Cody got protected with a DQ. Wade Barrett gets attacked by Bo Dallas as he goes to the ring for a match.

Kofi Kingston is Barrett’s opponent. Barrett uses the old Fit Finlay apron trick. Wow, it knocked out Kingston. Oh, it was the Bull Hammer Elbow. Makes more sense.

I’m finally at Kane versus Dolph Ziggler. It should be the other match worth watching on this ridiculously long show. Snooze city before the break. Big E tries to intimidate Kane. It buys Ziggler time. Kane choke slams Ziggler even after AJ’s distraction. Ziggler is looking like such a tool these days. I just don’t get it.

The Rock starts talking at 11 PM. I only tape until 11:10. I could miss the ending. The Rock goes story time. CM Punk interrupts. The ladies love a shirtless Rock. Heyman trips the Rock. Punk nails the GTS. Hey, a heel got over going into a PPV. They got something right. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on February 1, 2013 by stuntgranny

post-its-shutterstock

We didn’t have a post today. My girl is in and out of sleep. Let’s do a review.

Alberto Del Rio is dressed like a bum waiting for the Big Show. Booker T oversells the Elimination Chamber. Jack Swagger comes down to remind us they gave him the strap. Dolph Ziggler is going to win the World Title. He declines on the Chamber. He will be fighting Del Rio tonight. Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio.

The match starts after the break. Sin Cara & Rey have ridiculous outfits on. Rey’s is especially egregious. The No act after ducking a 619 is perfect. Bryan being in there with someone his size is cool. Opening up his offense. Interesting match. Rey with the hot tag. Bryan in against him. Nice. Rey deals with Kane. Bryan has the No Lock. Sin Cara makes the save. Rey finally connects on the 619. Splash and win by Rey. Matt Striker talks to Del Rio. Fresh air is over rated.

The Great Khali takes on Jinder Mahal. Come on guys, mention their history. Punjabi plunge in a distraction heavy match. Booker & Teddy Long blow each other. Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes are entering into singles competition. They hug it out because they’re still going to be friends. Sheamus takes Sandow on later. Much FF tonight. No big surprise.

The Vince/Heyman/Brock stuff takes a whole commercial break of tv. That’s stupid long. Now they replay John Cena. Damien Sandow takes on Sheamus. Let’s hope they give Damien a good showing. No way he wins. JBL is selling him. The Shield shows up to ruin any momentum Sandow had. Sheamus gets the power bomb.

Randy Orton gets the JBL hype too. I forgot he’s wrestling Wade Barrett, again. I’ve enjoyed their matches but not again. Bo Dallas getting more hype. Poor dumbo Barrett elbows the post. RKO in short order. They are playing up the Dallas stuff. Not sure why though. Putting the brakes on Barrett makes no sense. Barrett freaks out on Dallas after the break. Seemed appropriate to put here.

Kofi Kingston gets to lose to Jack Swagger. I mean, you don’t bring him back and have him lose, right? JBL doing the sell job on Swagger. He deserves it so far. Kofi misses Trouble. He drop kicks Swagger outside. Kofi kicks the announce table. Swagger takes advantage. Ankle lock for the tap. That works out for both parties. They protected Kofi a little bit. Security talks to Del Rio. He hides when a bus comes. Big Show gets off. The dumb bell climbed to the roof to get away from Del Rio. He finally drives away in a tiny car. Weird segment. Fans still don’t seem to care much.

Ricardo wants to be there for Alberto. Del Rio tells him to stay put to stay safe. Foreshadowing much? Big E Langston is terrible at interfering. Dolph never wins because of it. Langston gets tossed. Ziggler gets crotched. Thrust kick for the close two count. Rocker dropper for two. Fun match so far. Backer cracker only gets a two count for Del Rio. Ziggler taps to the cross arm breaker. Big Show threatens Del Rio & Rodriguez. Show punches out Ricardo again. -Kevin

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Unused Gimmick By @WWE

Posted on January 4, 2013 by stuntgranny

SONY DSC

I was talking to a co-worker today and an unused gimmick hit me, pets. The WWE has been child friendly for quite a while now so it only seems right to bring back certain gimmicks that didn’t get used in the Attitude Era unless you count Chavo Guererro’s broom horse Pepe or Al Snow’s chihuahua Pepper that ended up as a much larger dinner than a puny pup could possibly make. Here’s a list of characters in the WWE in need of a pet to hype up their gimmick.

Brodus Clay – He’s already part of a dog and pony show with the Funkadactyls and the dancing gimmick. Why not add a dog to the mix? I say they pick up the Dancing Merengue Dog to stick with the dancing gimmick. Kids will love him even more when they get to lead the dog in the dance parade after yet another squash match.

Team Rhodes Scholars – According to Animal Planet, the smartest animal in the animal kingdom is the chimpanzee. The smartest team in the WWE would be wise to pick one up. Damien Sandow can explain his t-shirt gimmick along with making the kids happy. If Cody Rhodes wrestles a singles match, he can dress the chimp up in his already used tuxedo from his Phantom of the Opera days. Damien Sandow could give him a robe and dapper ascot. The children may not be happy when the chimps start chucking poo, but it’ll help earn Cody & Damien heat. Even if the chimp gets loose, it probably wouldn’t make anyone in a WWE crowd any worse-looking.

The Great Khali – This man is another guy who is just a circus attraction because of his size. Complete the circus by adding a Bengal tiger (Not the crappy kind that will lose in Houston this weekend) to his ring entrance. The WWE can talk about how they’re native to India just like Khali. For a topping act, Natalya can put her head in the tiger’s mouth.

Hornswoggle – He’s already a children’s attraction, at least in the WWE’s mind. They love pairing him with large men to show off that he’s a little person. Why not stick with this hilarious opposites-attract idea by having him ride an elephant to the ring. The WWE is tarping off areas of every arena so they can solve the problem by widening the aisle to and around the ring. Less seats and now the place looks more packed!

Johnny Curtis – Curtis has tried the bad joke gimmick. He got vignettes as Fandangoo, a modern take on disco dancin’ John Travolta. Now Johnny can take a crack at another gimmick: lizard tamer. He can bring an aquarium to the ring with chameleons to show how often he changes gimmicks.

Tensai – They’ve saddled this guy with every possible Japanese gimmick after his successful run in New Japan Pro Wrestling from the kanji on his face and the manservant that worshiped him like a god. Let’s round out these cheese ball gimmicks by having him come to the ring accompanied by a guy in a Godzilla suit. You can have the Great Khali dress up in a suit then have him turn on Tensai when he starts another losing gimmick.

This list is just the beginning of what could be a lucrative idea. Think of how many stuffed animals the WWE will sell to children. Please submit your serious ideas for wrestlers and their gimmick animals in the comment space below. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on December 10, 2012 by stuntgranny

office-christmas-party-rules

What a strange start to the evening. I’m not even talking about watching American Horror Story: Asylum. I’ll get into that later. Maybe. I’m being told about the shenanigans at my girl’s office party. That’s going to be a blast on Friday.

The intro reminded me of a problem the WWE has, technology isn’t always your friend. The videos from the Shield are too crisp. A promotion like Prime Wrestling, though less advanced in technology department, lends itself to this type of video. Krimson has been the king of them. They look gritty and real. The Shield’s videos, again, are nicely produced and use the static photoshop function. It’s like a high tech Instagram. Dolph Ziggler gets to start the show. Nice. He cuts a solid promo. Sheamus gets to throw some jabs at him. I like the new shirt but I have a column up my sleeve talking about t shirt differences with other companies. The Big Show gets to warn Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus dumps Ziggler to the outside to end things. About par for the course for my boy. No respect.

Antonio Cesaro & Kofi Kingston are at the announce desk with Wade Barrett when Vince McMahon comes out to cut a promo. What the fuck is going on? Are those three gentlemen supposed to get a rub? My woman is on to Vickie Guerrero’s wardrobe again. She’s pretty sure she only wears one pair of shoes. I think we missed Vickie being given a match against AJ Lee later in the night. R Truth comes out after that frankenpromo. I’m not sure what happened to Kofi’s mic skills. Cesaro isn’t any better behind the headset. Barrett loses to R Truth with a roll up. I want toss my computer. Why are you doing that to Barrett?

AJ Lee is excited backstage. She even hugs Kaitlyn. AJ walks into the men’s locker room. This could be the funniest thing John Cena has ever done. The Prime Time Players, Epico & Primo and the Usos are in the ring while Cody Rhodes comes to the ring with a pedo mustache. The two teams no one cares about start the thing. Mitchell Cool ripping Lawler for the reused jokes. Awesome. Primo gets pinned. No one cares that a commercial is happening.

Jey Uso is working over Damien Sandow. I’ve been surprised, holy shit, they beat the PTP during the commercial break? I was talking about the Usos. They do get an oddly good reaction as I noted in my live report. The third frog splash gets the knees. Cody with the Cross Rhodes. The right team won.

Alicia Fox is wearing a Marines inspired outfit. First time I’ve taken note of her in a while. Eve Torres is her opponent because they’ve got no idea what to do with the Diva’s Division. Why did Eve kick out after faking the injury? Alicia looking awfully strong. Eve with the neck breaker. Snooze. She’s posing over Alicia Fox. OK, kind of funny.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on November 26, 2012 by stuntgranny

After not thinking about Stunt Granny since last Monday night, I feel recharged. Let’s roll.

Ryback comes out as Baby Momma Drama comes up top side. He’s babbling. Ryback comes down to fight Titus O’Neil. Good continuation from Smackdown. They should have acknowledged it in the video package. O’Neil is getting in good offense. What a weird way for Ryback to get the offense back. A weak toss into Darren Young? Should I start comparing him to the Steiners because of the clothes line thing? I might have to do that. Ryback’s promos are so simple.

The local wrestlers come out to get rid of Ryback. My girl starts complaining about Vickie Guerrero not wearing a bra again. Vickie gives Ryback the match at TLC. They are giving him a lot more rope to hang himself. He’s coming across as a maniac. I’m fine with it. Why are we getting replay of Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes? It was just a joke according to Hornie. Rosa acts like a moron. Alberto Del Rio comes to her defense. The Great Khali makes the save. Oh, it’s back story for the match. Better than normal for a nothing match.

Alberto starts working over the arm early.  I have to see what items are 90% off. This match is ridiculous. Ricardo distracts Khali. Hornie bites his ass. Del Rio takes advantage. Why did they have the back story? This match was dumb. CM Punk comes in to complain to Vickie. My girl complains about the bra again. Paul Heyman tries to smooth talk her. Vickie tries to connect the dots with the masked men. Punk has to take on Daniel Bryan or Kane. Heyman answers Punk’s question about what’s wrong with her with “Everything.” Pretty funny.

Michael Cole talks to Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman something or another. He askes if they’re working for CM Punk. They wonder about why Vickie and Booker T need to listen to the WWE Universe. They say they are just doing what is right. They are the shield is the common theme. Roman ends the interview. They deliver a good promo but if they’re going to guard from injustice, they need to attack someone other than Ryback. If they want the Punk rumors to continue though, they only attack Ryback.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on November 19, 2012 by stuntgranny

The picture above is the state of my cable presently. It decided that USA HD wasn’t worth taping either. I turned over just in time to see Randy Orton get the first fall against Alberto Del Rio. He’s burned thru every other possible PPV opponent on TV so why not restart with Del Rio? Dear lord. My cable company isn’t answering their phones either right now. It’s fabulous. Randy Orton wins the third fall. They both continue to tread water. I’m guessing I didn’t miss a whole lot in the first 1:15. I feel better about having watched The Walking Dead instead of checking to see if Raw was recording. Replays are finally worth watching. My girl thinks it quite gross to see John Cena kiss AJ Lee. She’s still doesn’t think it’s a kid’s angle appropriate for PG programming. I am unconvincing.

For some reason, we have a Great Khali vs Epico & Primo match. Hornswoggle is hitting on Rosa at ring side. Hornie has trick flowers. Khali wins. No one cares about anyone involved. Paul Heyman wants balloons. Yikes. Really glad I missed the beginning.

The Miz tries to get his babyface turn off the launch pad with his third Ohio date in seven days against David Otunga. I’m digging Otunga on the offense. I’m still perplexed as to how his mic skills are his worst part of his persona now. Lawler tries to sell Miz because he’s left handed. You could have done more to help out King. Skull Crushing Finale for the win. The WWE shows why I shouldn’t purchase a PPV because they show end of the Big Show vs Sheamus.

More replays fill me in. They’ve given Ryback an extension of this feud with CM Punk by way laying him with three nobodies. Sheamus gets to talk before his match. The crowd is giving him the “What?” treatment. Weird. Don’t fans normally reserve that for heels? Big Show hobbles out to the ramp. Wow, Sheamus gets accused of being barbaric. Both sides seemed wrong. Sheamus is bitching about what a heel did. Show sounds like a giant sissy for calling someone barbaric. Aren’t you building him up as a bad ass? Damien Sandow comes down for his arse kicking. Why is Lawler excited about the Punk celebration? Shouldn’t he be mad at him for being a braggart? I don’t think I’m missing anything. A beard tossing takes us to commercial.

Sandow is in control after the break. My girl is telling me a ridiculous story. I’m so not paying attention to this match. White Noise looks more harmful than Shell Shock. Brogue Kick. Tamina is talking to Vickie Guerrero. AJ comes in to talk to her. Vickie is supposed to be evil. I’m just not buying it.

Layla tells AJ it’s not worth it. AJ storms into the men’s locker room. For some reason everyone is in one room. She confronts my boy Dolph Ziggler. She is a shell of a woman. He’s a dick. Him, I’m buying. She attacks him. Cena makes the save. Ziggler plows Cena thru some obviously weakened partitions.

What the hell, there’s a trainers office? I’m digging the background action. Just looks like people working somewhere. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young get some mic time. We have a cavalcade of entrances with Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Daniel Bryan and Kane. Oh, it’s a traditional tag team match. I figured we’d be having another 8 man tag match. O’Neil is taking up air time but I’m not digging it. Commercial break. O’Neil calls Lawler “Old School” after a wash rag comment. You’ve just made a dozen heart attack jokes. Yes, he’s old. He had a god damn heart attack. Listen to yourself. King is having fun giving a hard time to these guys. O’Neil & Young end up attacking Kane. Sin Cara makes the save. Double 619. People are loving a three peat. Fitting end for PTP. Paul Heyman is talking up the party for CM Punk, to Punk himself. Punk is giddy.

Paul Heyman gets to give the big intro. Punk is going with a self serving promo. It’s not bad but he’s not reeling me in either. Ryback interrupts but gets attacked by Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. Punk saunters over to Ryback and raises his arms in victory. Best part of his promo.  -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Smackdown

Posted on October 12, 2012 by stuntgranny

From theChive.com

Tonight feels like an “Old School” night even if that only means going back six months. I’m sitting here in my condo by myself not doing a whole lot of anything on a Friday night except watching wrestling. I have a review in the dashboard ready for posting about Grand Canyon University which is the location of TNA’s Bound For Glory. I just watched Impact Live and have a nice slew of Tweets to prove it (Hint: @Stuntgranny). Now it’s time for Smackdown. Such is my life.

Good opening segment with Big Show, Sheamus and Booker T. I like doing something to further the feud without have a physical confrontation. Even though they created the artificial buzz for the WMD vs the Brogue Kick. Nice to keep Sheamus occupied with Tensai to keep him away from Show and to finish their match from last week. Too bad Tensai is going to take another loss.

They did not waste any time going with the rematch after the break. I liked Sheamus pacing like a caged animal. Josh Matthews corrects me and says that Sheamus Brogue Kicked Tensai during his match with Big Show last week. Whoops. JBL is doing a great sales job again on Tensai. I have liked his in ring work more recently. Too bad the WWE keeps having him job to high ranking guys. Brogue Kick for the win. Nothing special but Alberto Del Rio bossing around Ricardo Rodrigeuz may have been his best mic work in the WWE.

Ricardo is looking for Randy Orton when he runs into Santino Marella. Ricardo sold that but that was Santino’s best work in a while. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal are teaming but they get some mic time first. Oh my lord, they’re doing group air guitar now. They didn’t really say why they were together but Mahal hinted at it. The WWE 13 commercial with CM Punk may have robbed a lot of work from Hitler, but it came out cool. It fits Punk’s earlier character.

(more…)

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Stunt Granny Audio #192

Posted on July 10, 2012 by stuntgranny

This an excruciatingly special edition of Stunt Granny Audio because it features the reuniting of Jeremy, Eric and Dusty for the first time in a long, long time. And not only that, but it also features the debut of several different new features of Stunt Granny Audio, including the Top Five At Five, Match Game and the Mount Rushmore game. Can you barely contain your excitement!? They talk about the nine hour long AJ-Daniel Bryan-CM Punk segment that opened Raw, they talk about the heart warming ascent of Austin Aries, they talk about Iowa’s own Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame and who will all be there, and they talk about a whole lot more things that you can only know about if you listen to the audio. So why don’t you do that? NOW.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #192

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@WWE Roster Game Special

Posted on May 23, 2012 by stuntgranny

The choices weren’t always easy.

This is a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, folks, because in this one Eric, Kevin and Dusty join forces to play the illustrious WWE Roster Game! For those not familiar, this is the game where the Stunt Granny-ites go to the roster page on WWE.com and pare the roster down, with the logic being they would be operating a weekly two hour show every week and they can fill their roster however they see fit in order to have the best company possible and make the most money possible. Because WWE.com changed their roster page format, this time the guys have 18 lines of 5 wrestlers each to pick from, and they pick 2 wrestlers from each line, for a total of 36 pieces of talent. Who do they keep? Who do they kick to the curb? Which were the easiest choices? Who were the most agonizing omissions? How many e’s does Justin Roberts put in Mr Cena’s first name? For all these answers and more, you can only find out by listening, so for god’s sake do it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show WWE Roster Game 2012

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Great Khali sings “Happy Birthday” (kinda) to John Cena, Michael Cole slips in timely Lilian Garcia joke

Posted on April 24, 2012 by stuntgranny

Thanks to Prowrestling.net for unearthing this gem. Essentially, the clip speaks for itself at about the 26-second mark, but the majority of the WWE roster wished John Cena a happy birthday last night after WWE Monday Night Raw went off the air, with the highlight being Great Khali singing “Hahpee Bahday” to the former champ. No, the highlight was not Triple H unhilariously forcing him to do it, and no, the highlight was not a fat midget dressed up like a fat regular person. And no, the highlight wasn’t even developmental call-ups like Damien Sandow, Antonio Cesaro (with unlimited soup) and soon-to-be two-time flop Abraham Washington standing there with their tongues up Cena’s ass. Just a simple song from the enlarged heart of a 7-foot contorted man-monster. It’s like “Harry and the Hendersons” but bad. -Eric

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