Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

Samoa Joe & Magnus came out before the break. It’s the parade of champions moment. Hogan wants to add RVD to the #1 contender’s match since he never lost the title and never got a rematch. Open fight night is going to be once a month. Someone from outside the organization gets to come in and try to impress them. Anyone who is challenged, you have to fight. Roode has a problem. I agree. Hogan decides who defends their titles. Hogan wants to be tweeted about what we see. More open than anything the WWE does. If they actually follow thru. The TV Title will be defended weekly. What a novel concept. The call out part should be in check a little bit. Shouldn’t everyone call out the champs? What if you call someone out who has called someone else out?

Gail Kim is teaming with Madison Rayne, Rosita & Sarita against Tara, Miss Tessmacher, Mickie James & Velvet Sky who looks like a cheerleader. Commercial break. Do it during the intros! Rosita & Sarita double team Velvet. Sky keeps going afrter Kim. Mickie finally has a coherent look by going all black. Kim gets too cocky with Brooke. The other six fight on the floor. Velvet distracts Kim. Brooke gets the pin. Mr. Anderson is going to make sure Roode doesn’t forget about the bottle shot he gave Anderson.

ODB & Eric Young are sunning themselves at a pool. Not a good skit. James Storm’s after math is coming up. Gunner is taking on Devon for the TV Title. Gunner jumps Devon. Gunner has been such a joke in the Garrett story line that I can’t take him seriously any more. Devon gets the win with a spine buster.

James Storm said he was sorry. He was satisfied but then it got into his head. The next day, in the mirror, he saw someone who was beaten. He beat himself. A bit of a heel tactic. He talks about Roode being right about Storm’s luck having run out. He put the mic down an walked away. Not exactly what I wanted to see. I wanted him straight up, I’m ready to kick Roode’s ass. I’ll let them see where they’re going.

Only thirteen minutes left with five being the overrun that I now tape. They’ve been closer to 11 PM with MMA whatever on after it. Not enough time for a #1 contender match. They take their turns fighting in pairs and keeping one guy fresh. RVD wins with a back slide after Mr. Anderson eats both finishers. We know what order TNA thinks of these guys. -Kevin

One Response to “Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling”

  1. Avatar
    Stunt Dusty April 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    Why did it take two bleeping months for someone to realize Joseph Park should be talking to Bully Ray? What the hell is happening here?!

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