Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I’m running late because Jeremy, his woman and I went out to eat at the Winking Lizard. We grabbed some good beers, more on that later, and some forty cent wings. Now that I’m properly nourished and lubed up, let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM gets to talk the peons until CM Punk walks in. Johnny books Mark Henry versus CM Punk. People Power Era. Solid interaction between him and Punk. I was thinking it’d be really funny if HHH just came out and fired Johnny tonight. Not going to happen because nothing is more brilliant than yet another evil GM. The Rock shows up. This crowd is already livelier than last night’s crowd. I’m talking as the Rock does because he’s going nowhere quick. It’s coming. I fear it. Trying to be patient. History is the only thing that matters, not the win or loss. He guarantees that this is just the beginning. You still can’t show up that often. The Rock milks his vision. Did this segment take up the first hour of Raw? He wants to be WWE champion. Not against CM Punk. John Cena fall out with special music.

Santino comes to the ring before the commercial break. Vickie Guerrero introduces Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Swagger & Ziggler are show boating too much. Are they going to cost each other the match? Commercial break. Great pacing. Santino has a brief come back. Dolph & Jack argue shortly there after. Now, Santino is way over, but does he make the US Championship important? Id’ say no. The Funkasaurus makes the save on the post match sashay away from the ring. Ziggler sells like a champ but I’m wondering if he bounced his head off the ramp at all. It’s cool that Brodus might be getting a story finally.

Lord Tensai making his debut. I’m a bit surprised. Almost forgot about him with all the names being tossed around this weekend. Alex Riley is the sacrificial lamb. The tattoo’s across the face are awesome. This squash is taking a while. Nice to show off his offense even if it’s slow. Choke Slam Bomb gets the ref to call the match. Oh no, it’s the claw. Did they bring him back to embarrass him? It is not helping that Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler have to pretend like they don’t know who he is when the crowd is chanting “A-Train”.

We get more review of Cena’s mental state before the match. They’re doing a good job of hyping this announcement up. CM Punk comes out first. Mark Henry plods to the ring. I love when the missed attempt hurts even though you fall the same when you connect on a drop kick. I love the “Yes Yes Yes” chants. It’s the best way to support Daniel Bryan. Henry talking trash is always funny. Punk turns a bear hug into a DDT. Mark Henry goes up the ropes for some unknown reason. Punk gets knocked down from a spring board clothesline before the commercial break. Nice flurry by Punk sets up an elbow. Of course Punk can’t capitalize. Punk got tossed out of the ring after a bulldog attempt. Henry wins by count out. World’s Strongest Slam on the floor. Johnny comes out. He sees a natural disaster coming for him. Chris Jericho has another gaudy jacket. Jericho has to say he doesn’t drink and drive. Am I watching a PSA? Jericho pours beer on him. Jericho is fancy, he uses bottled liquors. The bottle busts before it was even close to Punk’s head. Was it made out of ice? Good segment. I’m glad Mark Henry isn’t Punk’s next feud.

Before Sheamus can say anything, Alberto Del Rio gets introduced Ricardo Rodriguez. Cool can barely spit out the car name. The crowd is chanting Del Rio down with more “Daniel Bryan” chants. Sheamus threatens violence. Del Rio announces their match on Smackdown. Brogue Kick after technicalities. I hope the WWE is noticing the chants with this quick shift. Daniel Bryan is in the back with AJ. Josh Matthews asks how upset he is.

Cody Rhodes comes to the ring pissed off. Kofi Kingston comes out. This match says a lot about where Rhodes is going. Win, he’s good. Lose, woof. Early Disaster Kick. Big Show comes out to taunt him. Well, a tainted win counts as Rhodes will probably be getting a push. More Cena review. No big surprises tonight unless you count an advertised wrestling coming.

Mark Henry was pissed off backstage. Abraham Washington wants to give Mark a master plan. Why does he need guidance? He did nothing wrong in his match. He should get a rematch for defeating the champ even if it was by count out. Eve comes out. She admits to back door helping Team Johnny. Everyone just wants to chant Hoeski.

The Miz fights Zack Ryder who got dumped by “The Hottest Woman on the Planet” according to Mitchell. I think she’s quite attractive, but she’s not even the hottest woman on the roster. Cool doing a good job of calling a tool a tool. Lawler doesn’t call out Cool for his second use of Jane Eyre. Broski boot. Miz tosses Ryder into the post. Skull Crushing Finale. That’s odd to me.

John Cena comes down to the ring looking a bit dour and at a slower pace. We all take defeats in life by way of Muhammed Ali. He’s still standing by what he said. It always takes me forever to pick up chants. Machine Gun Kelly still has no clue what is going on. This storyline is too complicated for him to follow. What a tool. Cena invites the Rock down. He’s not calling him out. Hulk Hogan has evidently been knocked off his pedestal. Jeremy is saying that the Rock has left already and Cena’s being a dick. He gets Brock Lesnar instead. This crowd has been awesome all night. F5. Nice of the WWE to blow the initial shot. -Kevin

One Response to “Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw”

  1. MissieBird April 3, 2012 at 7:36 am #

    This crowd needs to be put on retainer. “Si, Si, Si”.

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