Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

A very long segment makes me think of long legs, to keep my sanity.

So I watched the mid-main event of Cole/Lawler/Christopher/JR/Swagger so I won’t be able to review it properly. I’ll do a Clif’s Notes version later. I am watching the Rock almost live though. His skit isn’t funny either. You’re just making more money pal. The little child gag is overplayed even by WWE standards. The director cuts to some awful shot. Wow, saying your best guy isn’t talented. Great idea. That’s sarcasm by the way. This segment is brutal. Rock finally turns to talk about the Miz with ominous Undertaker like music. The guy laying down the sound beds needs to be fired. Rock still doesn’t have an answer for the Via Satellite line. I decided to stay up to review this? I made a mistake. Cole Mine. It’s funny but it doesn’t help me take him seriously. Lordy, this segment is going to go longer? I’m one of the few idiots that didn’t think any of the Lord of the Rings movies were too long. This is longer. The Miz doing better than the Rock less than a minute in. Solid work by Miz. Great goodily, moodily. More? Lawler takes over reading the GM’s email. Cena takes on Del Rio tonight. The Miz gets to take on the Great Khali. No Josh, this is not must see. At least they’re going to commercial. One of the longer 21 minutes in my life.

Riley takes the beating so that Miz can whack Khali with a chair. The Great Indian jobber. Another yawner of a segment. Cole hyping the segment I already saw. Christopher didn’t shock the world. Except for how shockingly terrible and bloated he looked.

Wow, none of these live shows are without replays from the other show. I feel like I’m being cheated next week. I’m going to be sitting watching Raw while at Smackdown for at least 20 minutes. Morrison gets a good pop from the crowd. He’s with Snooki. Vickie makes no sense and Dolph has a bad suit on. KSU only taught me good taste.

Sheamus takes on Daniel Bryan for the US Title. Gail Kim is ridiculous. The crowd isn’t doing much for Bryan. Glad he got a sign in the crowd. They’re calling attention to a King of the Ring curse. Nice. The match was OK up until the commercial break.

Awesomeness. The return of Vinny D on Criminal Intent. Final season. Do it. The announce team seems more unsettled than normal. Going back to the ankle injury. Bryan could use the win. LeBell Lock doesn’t do it for Bryan. Crowd popping for the near fall. Both guys have picked it up. Showing why they’ll go places. Sheamus gets saddled with the US Title. I’m not even going to pretend Sheamus will be the one to bring the belt back to prominence. Cole hypes his own segment again.

I don’t feel like I can properly review this segment since I saw it already. I’ve had a chance to reconsider it which is not in the spirit of this blog. I will however type in my points I remember then FF thru this segment. Cole is the reason manager’s should exist but is still bad as a commentator. The guy in the front row while Christopher (I already mentioned his appearance) yelled at Lawler was cracking my buddy Tim & I up. JR was fine enough but shouldn’t he have already known Cole would react that way? Cole again showing why he could be a good manager. Jack has the in ring skills but blows verbally. Back to normal mode.

Ryan is just huge. It’s hard to get over. Like Ezekiel Jackson. Ryan is not impressing me. He’s really stiff. That kick out by Orton seemed a little bit late.  Ryan wastes time looking at the Wrestlemania logo which allows the Viper to hit the RKO for the victory. I’m surprised. I thought they’d have Ryan in Punk’s corner. It’d be a heel victory at WM that would be won with interference and thus a little more acceptable. I love Orton’s slobber getting on Punk. That has to be their picture for WM.

Drew Carey, Kent State drop out. He still goes there every now and again. I saw him there during KSU’s Elite Eight appearance in 2002. Nice, he gets into the Hall of Fame. He looks like a different person with the lost weight. Cole interrupts Matthews. Cole is going to defeat Lawler with the Ankle Lock. Trish is with Snooki again when the Zach attack approaches. He gets props from the Peruvian.

I FF thru Snooki. Vickie gets heat. So Dolph interferes, right? Keep the KSU theme going. Vickie does her own cover of Rolling Stone and she does look better on the cover. Cole complaining for Vickie. Vickie fencing with her shoe. Why am I laughing? Vickie gets the cheap with with the help of Lay Cool. I can’t wait for what dumb mocking name Lay Cool comes up wtih for Trish. That’s sarcasm, by the way. McCool eye balls Snooki. Snooki was trained better than Angelina or J-Woww. That’s not saying too much though. No. No. No. Snooki doesn’t need to be involved more. Aww crap, they just did it. Six way match at WM. Morrison & Ziggler stuck with not having a real feud headed into WM. Sucks on the way up guys. You get stuck in situations like that.

Del Rio comes down with Brodus Clay again. Cena still getting the majority of the crowd behind him. Good thing I remembered to tape White Collar. They just tie up as my DVR stops.Ha, I actually started taping at 11:06 and only caused me to miss commercials. Shit luck.

I want interference in this match. Cena can job but Del Rio can’t. Plus, I think these two could have a really good match and they don’t have the time tonight to execute it. Clay beats on Cena. Cole claimed the Rock was here but it’s Miz in a bald cap.  Cole is loving it. Three man beat down that Cena can’t recover from. I’m surprised the Miz didn’t use some temporary tattoo or one of those ridiculous sleeve tattoos that’s actually fabric painted to look like a tattoo. Weakness personified. Miz whacks Cena with the microphone. Twice and says he’ll won Cena until Wrestlemania. Suplex on the ramp by Miz. Miz DDT’s Cena on the landing after a very brief come back. Some dude screaming yes as Cena gets slammed into the sign. Awesome sir, you are the only one to stand up for your Cena hating bona fides. The rest of the male audience is buying in. SCF on the podium. Miz is doing his best right now. Even if they’ve all been cheap shots. He’s looking good in them. – Kevin

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