Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on May 6, 2013 by stuntgranny

Sleepy_Puppies

My dogs crashed out early which is strange enough in itself. When you add an open front door to the equation, I’m really confused. Time to start this review though before I inevitably have to take them on another spin. Let’s roll.

I wasn’t paying attention to Twitter today so I had no idea they worked an angle on it. John Cena tries to climb aboard the Daniel Bryan bandwagon with his promo. Brickie comes out without the Brad Maddox part. Ryback comes out to merchandise. Doesn’t he know it’s summer? I’ll give the marketing department an F on this one. John, it’s two dollars that Ryback owes you. Vickie almost cracked a smile at the granny panties on a pole match. Ryback decides to go with a last man standing match. Mitchell Cool had “sources at the scene” when Heyman & Lesnar went to WWE Headquarters. It was a scary situation according to Jerry Lawler’s sources. Why couldn’t hey get real words? Real sources. They work for the WWE. It happened hours ago. You used Twitter to announce this angle. All of the information should be out already. The angle destroys itself.

Randy Orton is taking on Damien Sandow because the WWE liked their match on Smackdown. Sandow had good points but a terrible rhyme. Awkward commercial break as Orton is in the middle of a drop kick. RKO. The crowd goes crazy. Fair enough match but whatever. I dig the moment of going to the announcers but having Big Show KO Orton. Cool called it out then they went to replay.

My lady thinks it’s bull shit that she didn’t get to see Chris “Jerry” Jericho and his light up jacket last week. I agree. The traveling dancing circus are going to help Jericho judge Fandango‘s dancing. Lawler makes an awful ballet joke. R Truth comes out for more dance. Fandango leaves after R Truth wins on the score cards. This gimmick is ridiculous. So is this Lesnar angle. Just another partial answer segment. I don’t get it. I’m not more invested in the answer.

Daniel Bryan is challenging Ryback again. Ryback turns him down. Kane steps up. Ryback rules. Another solid segment. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. Why did I watch Smackdown? Jack Swagger decides to show his mug with Zeb. Dolph gets kicked in the head off a missed enziguri. Jack Swagger gets to look really good. Ouch, it looked like Dolph & Alberto took head shots with the ladder. Upon further review, sell job by Ziggler. Del Rio looked like he took one in the noggin.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 18, 2013 by stuntgranny

Brad-Pitt-fight-club-body

I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 18, 2013 by stuntgranny

Autobahn

Jeremy mentioned to me that I didn’t need to do this column any more. I hadn’t realized I had brought the idea up myself not all that long ago when we were talking about adding content. When he reminded me today about it, I felt offended. I don’t know why it did. I only started this column because of our trip to Wrestlemania XXVII. I still want to do it because it’s still the biggest wrestling show. But I may not go full on blog style. We’ll see. Let’s roll.

John Cena makes a deal with CM Punk for his Wrestlemania spot. CM Punk takes the deal on his terms. Um, Cena doesn’t need to take the counter offer. Nice of them to give us a week of build up.

Sheamus tries to talk sense in Ryback. Chris Jericho becomes the voice of reason and puts over the Shield. And the WWE. More chest slapping and creepy staring. Sin Cara gets to lose very quickly to Mark Henry. For some reason, the Great Khali comes out to save Sin Cara from the post match beat down. Henry blows him off. I love the mocking.

We get another Miz vs Antonio Cesaro match. I haven’t watched a single Fandango vignette. We’ve got the dancing Khali, Tensai and Brodus Clay. Do we really need another dancer in the WWE? My vote is absolutely no. The Miz is being tough guy holding out from the injury. Be smart like Punk, Miz and take a week off. Dear lord, Mitchell Cool thinks Cesaro is speaking German. Jerry Lawler calls him on it but doesn’t go at him hard. The Miz wins by figure four. Weak. Zeb Colter gets to do a home video with Jack Swagger. The Mexicans are invading. Jack Swagger agrees. Weak trolling by the WWE.

Daniel Bryan is wrestling Jack Swagger. Bryan is a high class jobber when he’s in a singles match. Kane doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton likes them. Decent knocks on Kane’s character. Vickie Guerrero tries to aggravate Paul Heyman. We get no conclusion to that story. It’s not a cliff hanger guys.

Dolph Ziggler takes on Alberto Del Rio so that he can be a high class jobber. A commercial again? Colter is pointing shit out during a reverse chin lock. Do you think it was “Them Mexicans even take a siesta during their own matches?” Ziggler kicked out of the low super kick. Cool tries to hype the Paul Heyman news. Ziggler grabs the rope after a back stabber. Del Rio wins by cross arm breaker. Big E Langston assaulted Del Rio and shouted “It’s over for you.” Ricardo Rodriguez runs off with the briefcase. Del Rio recovers. Zeb can’t xenophobia up Ziggler so no drama in that.

Wade Barrett was in a movie. Terrance Howard and Colin Ferrall are in it. Hot diggity that was a long trailer. Sheamus runs him down because losing to Bo Dallas wasn’t quite enough. Tensai, Brodus Clay & Naomi are taking on Rosa Mendes, Epico & Primo. Double splash win. The WWE sucks. Wrestlemania next year is in New Orleans. We might have a trip on our hands.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 11, 2013 by stuntgranny

San Jose at CBJ

Time to motor thru an episode of Raw. I’ll fill in the amusing details of the Columbus Blue Jackets experience later.

Paul Heyman gets to pontificate to start the show. After a recap of course. He is doing a great job of selling himself as the victim. CM Punk wants things to go back to normal. Heyman mouthing “Thank you God” is hilarious. My girl disagrees. I thought they both solid the sickening love-fest well.

The Great Khali gets to lose to Mark Henry for the I don’t know how many-eth time. The girl starts the hate on Henry because he has small eyeballs. World’s Strongest Slam. Henry stalks Hornswoggle. The crowd chants “One more time” as Lawler complains.

Booker T & Teddy Long are trying to talk jive when Chris Jericho arrives. Y2J wants in the Chamber. He has to beat someone who is in the Chamber already. He has to beat Daniel Bryan. Booker tries not to laugh at Jericho. We get our GM fill with Vickie Guerrero. Paul Heyman wants time. He gets speaker phone time with Vince. They go with the DQ title change over stipulation. Seems like a good bickering point when Punk loses. I look up this video because of “The Dazzler” signs in the crowd.

Chris Jericho is out after the break. Bryan is starting to look really weird. The wet hair is a special odd ball touch. Fun match until the break. No surprise out of these two. This match has show cased Bryan as much as any recent match. Nice reversal into the No Lock. Sort of. Code Breaker. Jericho is in the Chamber. Fun match. I’d love to see them in a longer match.

Ryback, Sheamus & John Cena get to decimate 3MB. Sometimes it’s hard to believe Drew McIntyre was anointed by Vince about the same time Sheamus broke in. Triple finisher. I want to puke. Triple promo. Double puke. Alex Riley & Yoshi Tatsu get camera time just to get beat up by Big Show. Congrats guys.

The Big Show knocks out Matt Striker to start the interview. Then says nothing. Interesting.

Jack Swagger gets a manager. Zeb Colter is his name. I think. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him. Patriot Act. Snooze. Rinse, repeat. Take your choice. Swagger introduces Colter. He gives the standard “We hate the foreigners” trope. Booker T puts Swagger in the Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler shows off his briefcase. He wants in the Chamber. Big E Langston speaks up. Booker T has an opponent in mind. It’s Kane.

Cody Rhodes gets downgraded already by getting to lose to the Miz while Antonio Cesaro is in the booth. The Miz attacks Cesaro so they won’t sacrifice Cody. Nice choice. The Miz swinging was a nice touch by Cesaro.

Brodus Clay & Tensai are still teaming. Only way to be a good tag team now, odd couple. I wish Rosa Mendes was dancing. Epico & Primo are getting rag dolled. Tensai splash for the win. The Funkettes take out Rosa Mendes. The flip over the top ropes was pretty sweet.

Dean Ambrose starts off the talking for the Shield. They all get their turns. They make a threat. The faces wait it out and turn out the lights. I have no idea how any one of the Shield wins at EC. They’ve had their asses handed to them in any even handed situation for their whole run.

Damien Sandow gets the mic. He runs down country music in a much more high brow manner than anyone ever. I do feel welcome. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Wow, Sandow dropped that elbow way too early. This match is ending with a quickness. Cross arm breaker. At least Cody got protected with a DQ. Wade Barrett gets attacked by Bo Dallas as he goes to the ring for a match.

Kofi Kingston is Barrett’s opponent. Barrett uses the old Fit Finlay apron trick. Wow, it knocked out Kingston. Oh, it was the Bull Hammer Elbow. Makes more sense.

I’m finally at Kane versus Dolph Ziggler. It should be the other match worth watching on this ridiculously long show. Snooze city before the break. Big E tries to intimidate Kane. It buys Ziggler time. Kane choke slams Ziggler even after AJ’s distraction. Ziggler is looking like such a tool these days. I just don’t get it.

The Rock starts talking at 11 PM. I only tape until 11:10. I could miss the ending. The Rock goes story time. CM Punk interrupts. The ladies love a shirtless Rock. Heyman trips the Rock. Punk nails the GTS. Hey, a heel got over going into a PPV. They got something right. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on February 1, 2013 by stuntgranny

post-its-shutterstock

We didn’t have a post today. My girl is in and out of sleep. Let’s do a review.

Alberto Del Rio is dressed like a bum waiting for the Big Show. Booker T oversells the Elimination Chamber. Jack Swagger comes down to remind us they gave him the strap. Dolph Ziggler is going to win the World Title. He declines on the Chamber. He will be fighting Del Rio tonight. Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio.

The match starts after the break. Sin Cara & Rey have ridiculous outfits on. Rey’s is especially egregious. The No act after ducking a 619 is perfect. Bryan being in there with someone his size is cool. Opening up his offense. Interesting match. Rey with the hot tag. Bryan in against him. Nice. Rey deals with Kane. Bryan has the No Lock. Sin Cara makes the save. Rey finally connects on the 619. Splash and win by Rey. Matt Striker talks to Del Rio. Fresh air is over rated.

The Great Khali takes on Jinder Mahal. Come on guys, mention their history. Punjabi plunge in a distraction heavy match. Booker & Teddy Long blow each other. Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes are entering into singles competition. They hug it out because they’re still going to be friends. Sheamus takes Sandow on later. Much FF tonight. No big surprise.

The Vince/Heyman/Brock stuff takes a whole commercial break of tv. That’s stupid long. Now they replay John Cena. Damien Sandow takes on Sheamus. Let’s hope they give Damien a good showing. No way he wins. JBL is selling him. The Shield shows up to ruin any momentum Sandow had. Sheamus gets the power bomb.

Randy Orton gets the JBL hype too. I forgot he’s wrestling Wade Barrett, again. I’ve enjoyed their matches but not again. Bo Dallas getting more hype. Poor dumbo Barrett elbows the post. RKO in short order. They are playing up the Dallas stuff. Not sure why though. Putting the brakes on Barrett makes no sense. Barrett freaks out on Dallas after the break. Seemed appropriate to put here.

Kofi Kingston gets to lose to Jack Swagger. I mean, you don’t bring him back and have him lose, right? JBL doing the sell job on Swagger. He deserves it so far. Kofi misses Trouble. He drop kicks Swagger outside. Kofi kicks the announce table. Swagger takes advantage. Ankle lock for the tap. That works out for both parties. They protected Kofi a little bit. Security talks to Del Rio. He hides when a bus comes. Big Show gets off. The dumb bell climbed to the roof to get away from Del Rio. He finally drives away in a tiny car. Weird segment. Fans still don’t seem to care much.

Ricardo wants to be there for Alberto. Del Rio tells him to stay put to stay safe. Foreshadowing much? Big E Langston is terrible at interfering. Dolph never wins because of it. Langston gets tossed. Ziggler gets crotched. Thrust kick for the close two count. Rocker dropper for two. Fun match so far. Backer cracker only gets a two count for Del Rio. Ziggler taps to the cross arm breaker. Big Show threatens Del Rio & Rodriguez. Show punches out Ricardo again. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on January 28, 2013 by stuntgranny

10lbsofCat5lbbag

I’m trying to do too much these days. I’m thinking this review will be more half assed than normal. Time to speed thru this puppy.

Randy Orton is fighting Antonio Cesaro. I’m thinking Orton is the new main event guy who puts new talent over. CM Punk comes out irate as he should be. He’s ready to do some party crashing. I remember the days. I have no idea why Vince McMahon can fire Paul Heyman. I’m glad the Miz is the hook for the match. Ugh. Of course even after the commercial break, nothing happens before the commercial break that follows the “beginning” of the match. It wasn’t worth starting a new paragraph.

I’m not even paying attention to the match. Uh oh, ref touching. The Miz allows Orton to hit the RKO. They’re staying the predictable course. The Miz gets to rub it in. I’m “loving” that Mitchell Cool is still on the Miz band wagon. Ryback needs to make us laugh. Stupid.

Even better, Matt Striker is hosting. The Prime Time Players get to be in this show down. Ryback’s joke is appropriate. I still don’t like his finisher. People are loving him though. Matt Striker deserved it. JBL is awesome for laughing at him. That woman in the front row, corner of the entrance is something else.

Wade Barrett gets to choose his opponent. Boy, I wonder why Bo Dallas eliminated him last night? Bo Dallas wins. I’m surprised. That seems pretty weak man. I’m all for the surprise win but it needs to look more flukey than that. John Cena is Cody Rhodes next match.

Cena is on Fruity Pebbles. Thank you Rock. Lawler is still talking about Goldust from last night. Cody Rhodes is leaving. The match was the right length. Cena with an AA. He gets to gab after the match. Cena tries to play the underdog card. He’s coming with an answer though. Of course he’s choosing the Rock or CM Punk. The Shield shows up. JBL calling the stupid card as he should be. Sheamus finally gets off his lazy ass. Ryback makes the real save. Are they actually putting over the Shield? The good guys still look like a bunch of idiots.

Tensai vs Brodus Clay in a lingerie pillow fight match. Thank goodness they begged off. I won’t be watching the Dance Off.

Oh jimminy cricket, Tensai still wore the lingerie. Poor Tensai. I’m laughing at him though. I’d love to see Brodus do a split. My girl likes his top. Clay teaches him to dance. I need more alcohol. Ron Simmons is still awesome. I’m guessing without watching that Alberto Del Rio is in a body slam match with the Big Show.

This is predictable shit. Wow, Big Show freaking out is not predictable. Maybe it shouldn’t be. They’re trying to make Del Rio more of a babyface. Ricardo’s tattoos are all terrible. He needs to get that shit covered up. The crowd isn’t buying it either. I’m enjoying Big Show toying with him.

Kaitlyn is moved into a match with Tamina. This is stupid. Oh, it’s lumber jills with show girl outfits. I like Kaitlyn’s outfit better. Her fashion has been questionable. Cat fight. Woof. Kaitlyn and Tamina stare at each other, kind of. Woof.

The Rock gets his time. Last segment before I deliver the girl back to her abode. Car repairs are a bitch. Thank you CM Punk. The manhood question is always available. I love Punk granting Rock a rematch. Rock’s got no answer on the mic really. The crowd is crushing him though.

Sheamus and Damien Sandow are in some type of a match. I heard it before I left. I don’t care. Ahh, tables match. Thanks for solving that one quickly. I’m glad Sandow is getting in more offense than Rhodes. I like the White Noise thru the table for the win. Figured it’d be a Brogue Kick.

I’m going to FF thru the Great Khali doing karaoke. 3MB makes it interesting. I’m glad Mitchell Cool is apologizing to the WWE Universe as he should be. I feel bad for Zack Ryder. Not sure I can type that enough times. He comes up with a fun character and he gets shit on. He doesn’t even get Heath Slater level TV exposure.

Raw is still Chris Jericho. Dolph Ziggler gets to respond to Jericho who paraded thru his baby face catch phrases. Dog peeing joke. Where’s Steph when you need to poop it up? Vickie Guerrero is back to being a baby face since Dolph is involved. They get to team together against Team Hell No. Kane & Daniel Bryan make it down before a commercial. Kane choke slams Ziggler after a cheap Jericho trick. At least it wasn’t as tedious as most of them. Trish Stratus is a deserving Hall of Fame member. I remember thinking she wasn’t going to be more than arm candy. She showed me way wrong. Hey  Miz, look at her ascent and get out of your rut.

trish stratus yoga.jpg_thumb

Paul Heyman gets to answer to Vince McMahon for the main event. I’m not going to like this. The camera man is a snitch. The godfather moment is kind of funny. Brock Lesnar wakes me up from my coma. OK, good reason for this to be in the main event. I love him just pointing at Heyman. F5. HHH vs Brock is confirmed on TV. -Kevin

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Unused Gimmick By @WWE

Posted on January 4, 2013 by stuntgranny

SONY DSC

I was talking to a co-worker today and an unused gimmick hit me, pets. The WWE has been child friendly for quite a while now so it only seems right to bring back certain gimmicks that didn’t get used in the Attitude Era unless you count Chavo Guererro’s broom horse Pepe or Al Snow’s chihuahua Pepper that ended up as a much larger dinner than a puny pup could possibly make. Here’s a list of characters in the WWE in need of a pet to hype up their gimmick.

Brodus Clay – He’s already part of a dog and pony show with the Funkadactyls and the dancing gimmick. Why not add a dog to the mix? I say they pick up the Dancing Merengue Dog to stick with the dancing gimmick. Kids will love him even more when they get to lead the dog in the dance parade after yet another squash match.

Team Rhodes Scholars – According to Animal Planet, the smartest animal in the animal kingdom is the chimpanzee. The smartest team in the WWE would be wise to pick one up. Damien Sandow can explain his t-shirt gimmick along with making the kids happy. If Cody Rhodes wrestles a singles match, he can dress the chimp up in his already used tuxedo from his Phantom of the Opera days. Damien Sandow could give him a robe and dapper ascot. The children may not be happy when the chimps start chucking poo, but it’ll help earn Cody & Damien heat. Even if the chimp gets loose, it probably wouldn’t make anyone in a WWE crowd any worse-looking.

The Great Khali – This man is another guy who is just a circus attraction because of his size. Complete the circus by adding a Bengal tiger (Not the crappy kind that will lose in Houston this weekend) to his ring entrance. The WWE can talk about how they’re native to India just like Khali. For a topping act, Natalya can put her head in the tiger’s mouth.

Hornswoggle – He’s already a children’s attraction, at least in the WWE’s mind. They love pairing him with large men to show off that he’s a little person. Why not stick with this hilarious opposites-attract idea by having him ride an elephant to the ring. The WWE is tarping off areas of every arena so they can solve the problem by widening the aisle to and around the ring. Less seats and now the place looks more packed!

Johnny Curtis – Curtis has tried the bad joke gimmick. He got vignettes as Fandangoo, a modern take on disco dancin’ John Travolta. Now Johnny can take a crack at another gimmick: lizard tamer. He can bring an aquarium to the ring with chameleons to show how often he changes gimmicks.

Tensai – They’ve saddled this guy with every possible Japanese gimmick after his successful run in New Japan Pro Wrestling from the kanji on his face and the manservant that worshiped him like a god. Let’s round out these cheese ball gimmicks by having him come to the ring accompanied by a guy in a Godzilla suit. You can have the Great Khali dress up in a suit then have him turn on Tensai when he starts another losing gimmick.

This list is just the beginning of what could be a lucrative idea. Think of how many stuffed animals the WWE will sell to children. Please submit your serious ideas for wrestlers and their gimmick animals in the comment space below. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on December 17, 2012 by stuntgranny

hair_cut_gone_wrong

I want to pull out my hair from the majority of results this weekend on both Ring of Honor’s iPPV Final Resolution and WWE’s TLC PPV.  The Shield going over was not a decision that made me want to pull my hair out. I may add to this later.

Oh dear lord, both Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler pander to the lowest common denominator by telling us how to download an app for our smart phones. Rey Mysterio is taking on Damien Sandow in a singles match. I guess Rey wants his win. OR they’re keeping this feud going even longer. Neither of those excuses work for me. The first award gets more hype than the match. Booker T joins us. How nice of him. Our first award for most shocking moment of the year. Booker wants us to download their app. Fuck off. I’m not downloading it. I FF thru the award nominees. The Boogeyman comes out. I’m confused.

They did that just so Booker could say he did not just see that. Ugh. Brad Maddox comes prematurely. Get it? Wooka wooka. Kofi gets it for walking on his hands. Eve Torres is taking on Kaitlyn. I like the outfit change for Kaitlyn. Gut Buster for the Kaitlyn win. We get the New Age Outlaws to present an award. The crowd still eats him up. Comeback of the Year. How can Lawler not win that award. People would be heartless if they didn’t give it to him. Wooka wooka. He wins it.

Kofi Kingston takes on Tensai. The crowd is still chanting Albert. Trouble In Paradise. I wasn’t even slacking off on that match. It was that quick. Wade Barrett attacks him from behind. They explain again downloading apps. Fucking idiots.

Vickie Guerrero presents the Kiss of The Year award to AJ Lee and John Cena. Vickie wants her to explain her actions. She goes full on heel. This turn was predictable but it still wasn’t the right call. AJ kisses Dolph Ziggler. Vickie runs off screaming. Dolph acts like he wasn’t kissing back. Um, OK. Shouldn’t they be a couple if she’s a heel? Get Vickie away from him? The Great Khali is coming to the ring with Natalya Neidhart.

David Otunga gets to job to him. Wasn’t watching the match since the Slammy’s are so much more important. Ric Flair is presenting the Superstar of the Year Award. I would be surprised if my girl hadn’t texted me about it. John Cena wins the award. The grown man holding up the U C(an’t) See Me sign needs to be castrated. Or at least snipped. Cena wants to give the award to Flair? So he can sell it to cover debts. CM Punk comes out. Cena sure vamoosed quickly. Ric Flair takes Punk up on his one legged ass kicking scenario. Punk heads to the ring for the commercial break.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on December 10, 2012 by stuntgranny

office-christmas-party-rules

What a strange start to the evening. I’m not even talking about watching American Horror Story: Asylum. I’ll get into that later. Maybe. I’m being told about the shenanigans at my girl’s office party. That’s going to be a blast on Friday.

The intro reminded me of a problem the WWE has, technology isn’t always your friend. The videos from the Shield are too crisp. A promotion like Prime Wrestling, though less advanced in technology department, lends itself to this type of video. Krimson has been the king of them. They look gritty and real. The Shield’s videos, again, are nicely produced and use the static photoshop function. It’s like a high tech Instagram. Dolph Ziggler gets to start the show. Nice. He cuts a solid promo. Sheamus gets to throw some jabs at him. I like the new shirt but I have a column up my sleeve talking about t shirt differences with other companies. The Big Show gets to warn Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus dumps Ziggler to the outside to end things. About par for the course for my boy. No respect.

Antonio Cesaro & Kofi Kingston are at the announce desk with Wade Barrett when Vince McMahon comes out to cut a promo. What the fuck is going on? Are those three gentlemen supposed to get a rub? My woman is on to Vickie Guerrero’s wardrobe again. She’s pretty sure she only wears one pair of shoes. I think we missed Vickie being given a match against AJ Lee later in the night. R Truth comes out after that frankenpromo. I’m not sure what happened to Kofi’s mic skills. Cesaro isn’t any better behind the headset. Barrett loses to R Truth with a roll up. I want toss my computer. Why are you doing that to Barrett?

AJ Lee is excited backstage. She even hugs Kaitlyn. AJ walks into the men’s locker room. This could be the funniest thing John Cena has ever done. The Prime Time Players, Epico & Primo and the Usos are in the ring while Cody Rhodes comes to the ring with a pedo mustache. The two teams no one cares about start the thing. Mitchell Cool ripping Lawler for the reused jokes. Awesome. Primo gets pinned. No one cares that a commercial is happening.

Jey Uso is working over Damien Sandow. I’ve been surprised, holy shit, they beat the PTP during the commercial break? I was talking about the Usos. They do get an oddly good reaction as I noted in my live report. The third frog splash gets the knees. Cody with the Cross Rhodes. The right team won.

Alicia Fox is wearing a Marines inspired outfit. First time I’ve taken note of her in a while. Eve Torres is her opponent because they’ve got no idea what to do with the Diva’s Division. Why did Eve kick out after faking the injury? Alicia looking awfully strong. Eve with the neck breaker. Snooze. She’s posing over Alicia Fox. OK, kind of funny.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on November 26, 2012 by stuntgranny

After not thinking about Stunt Granny since last Monday night, I feel recharged. Let’s roll.

Ryback comes out as Baby Momma Drama comes up top side. He’s babbling. Ryback comes down to fight Titus O’Neil. Good continuation from Smackdown. They should have acknowledged it in the video package. O’Neil is getting in good offense. What a weird way for Ryback to get the offense back. A weak toss into Darren Young? Should I start comparing him to the Steiners because of the clothes line thing? I might have to do that. Ryback’s promos are so simple.

The local wrestlers come out to get rid of Ryback. My girl starts complaining about Vickie Guerrero not wearing a bra again. Vickie gives Ryback the match at TLC. They are giving him a lot more rope to hang himself. He’s coming across as a maniac. I’m fine with it. Why are we getting replay of Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes? It was just a joke according to Hornie. Rosa acts like a moron. Alberto Del Rio comes to her defense. The Great Khali makes the save. Oh, it’s back story for the match. Better than normal for a nothing match.

Alberto starts working over the arm early.  I have to see what items are 90% off. This match is ridiculous. Ricardo distracts Khali. Hornie bites his ass. Del Rio takes advantage. Why did they have the back story? This match was dumb. CM Punk comes in to complain to Vickie. My girl complains about the bra again. Paul Heyman tries to smooth talk her. Vickie tries to connect the dots with the masked men. Punk has to take on Daniel Bryan or Kane. Heyman answers Punk’s question about what’s wrong with her with “Everything.” Pretty funny.

Michael Cole talks to Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman something or another. He askes if they’re working for CM Punk. They wonder about why Vickie and Booker T need to listen to the WWE Universe. They say they are just doing what is right. They are the shield is the common theme. Roman ends the interview. They deliver a good promo but if they’re going to guard from injustice, they need to attack someone other than Ryback. If they want the Punk rumors to continue though, they only attack Ryback.

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