Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of Impact Wrestling

Guess who got the left over Coors Light from the bachelor party? This guy.

 I’m not really excited that Coors Light is my choice of beers but they were sort of free from last weekend’s bachelor party at Put In Bay. Eric wanted me to write some small stories but everyone esle on the site is better at those things than me. I’m going to mock TV shows. It’s after Smackdown (10:30 PM) but I think I’m going for the double dip tonight. Impact Wrestling Blog then a Smackdwon blog as a separate post. It should be interesting taking down “4” hours of wrestling. I should finish in no more than 3. Let’s do this.

We start with a review of the pay per view. They show the TNA Heavyweight Championship material last even though it wasn’t that way on the PPV. To aid in watching, I’m not watching ring entrances. Gunner “breaks up” (Anderson was done talking for a decent length of time) Anderson’s rant according the announcers. Gunner is not good on the stick. Gunner falls for the beer trick. Anderson is dumb enough to turn his back on him. We get the hype for the rest of the show. What a lame opening segment.

Hernandez takes on Devon. Pope distracts Devon.  When is Devon going to realize that his family is costing him his career? Pope clears the ring. Why would Devon’s kids even like Pope? Haven’t they been watching Impact Wrestling?  Bischoff makes use of the too many twists and turns with Anderson.

Angle goes thru his history winning the Gold Medal. Angle announces that he is trying out for the Olympic team. I had read the spoilers so no suprise. Jarrett interrupts unlike Gunner. We could only hope Jarrett left if he loses against Angle. Kurt talking sense to Jarrett about honor. Glad I didn’t order the PPV since I’m getting the match for free.

The point system goes as follows: 10 for a submission win, 7 for pin falls, 5 for count out, 3 for DQ, 2 for a draw and -10 if you get DQed. How many people made the joke last night that everyone is going to be a minus going into the pay per view? That’s where I’m going. RVD & Samoa Joe are the first 2 to wrestle in the series. Hobo Eric talks to Morgan about a TV Title. Morgan tells us he’s in the Bound for Glory series. Morgan blows him off then suggests EY take on Jason Hervey?

Austin Aries, Jimmy Rave vs Kid Kash for something. They showed the date for TNA in Columbus. I’m going to miss out because of a family vacation. Gosh darn. All three of these guys look very different from the last time I saw them. Been a fun match so far. too bad Aries & Rave had to wait too long for Kash to hit the senton outside. Aries wins with the brainbuster. Really enjoyed that one. VelVelHolla & Tessmacher who talk girly hype then grab each other’s asses. I like it but do you think that’ll make a casual viewer sign on for 2 hours of garbage for it? Nope.

We get the Women’s Tag Belts up for grab. Sarita & Rosita have them. ODB distracts Velvet so that Tessmacher can take the loss. She is rightfully upset. Oh my lord, Jackie is back and she’s with ODB? What the hell. The security really looks like a bunch of pussies. More than normal. Hogan tells Jarrett he’s 10 times the man of Angle. Hogan says he’ll keep Sting’s contract. They argue about history. I glaze over. Hogan acts like a beaten dog as Sting breates him. Why did Sting turn heel finally? The camera can’t see everything for a change. Crazy Sting is better but still not great.

Jackie said wrestling matters to her. They get jumoed by Velvet. Dummy. Bring back up. EY does challenge Hervey. So they interrupt a wrestling matters spot with a comedy skit. So they know their own slogan is bull shit. Fabulous.

RVD vs. Samoa Joe for the standings. RVD wastes time on the outside. The match is underwhelming me. Lots of talking again in the show. RVD’s legacy has taken a real hit in TNA. I still thought highly of him even after his weird tenure in the WWE. 5 Star propels RVD to the win because Joe is a jobber. I’m not even going to pretend like I’m going to keep track of the standings. Gunner gets to suck during a promo while getting stiched up.

Jarrett gears up. 19 minutes left after intros for Gunner & Anderson. The fat chick in the pink cheers for Gunner. I do dig the Old Packers style trunks Anderson wears. Anderson goes super cocky then gets F5ed by Gunner. Dude is good in the ring. He’s getting the Goldberg push, not Crimson even if that dope has a win streak.

Steiner makes fun of Bully Rayand creatively calls him fat. Bully Ray talks trash back. We get the parking lot fight. Angle is punking him out so far. Jeff finally turns the tide. Jarrett walked away for no reason. Jarrett got Angled Slammed onto the car and my DVR cuts out. Well, first 2 hours done in about an hour and a half. – Kevin

2 Responses to “Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of Impact Wrestling”

  1. Avatar
    Money June 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    I thought the same damn thing about Anderson turning his back on Gunner…it’s the little things, you know?

    Thanks for the review!

    • stuntgranny
      stuntgranny June 21, 2011 at 10:18 am #

      Thanks for reading and watching that dreck from TNA!

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