Best of 2009- Jeremy Edition
WWE. This wasn’t nearly as easy to choose as I first thought. Monday Night raw is a diarrhea diaper. ECW is akin to your parents in the nursing home. You go see them only because you feel obligated. Then there is Smackdown; the best wrestling show in the world. So 1.5 out of 3 isn’t so bad. Not like TNA’s zero batting average for their product.
ROH: Cary Silkin correctly booted Gabe Sapolsky and eventually brought in Jim Cornette to “hang around: In the meantime the promotion lost talent left and right but it is still a good promotion. It found its legs after a few months of being lost but nowhere near the train wreck that comes in third.
TNA: By default they are third. I can’t consider Lucha Libre since I don’t understand Spanish and that shit looks choreographed beyond belief.
Mickie James’ implant busting. Now, Mickie James is at the top of my list of women’s wrestlers I would sleep with despite the fact they may have an incurable STD. I love this injury because it gives me spank material thinking about how she would need to massage her breasts to soften up the new implant. Even if that isn’t how it works its real to me. Excuse me, be back in 3 minutes. Oh and this story may not even be true but I don’t care.
Gail Kim’s implant explodes. Gail Kim is gorgeous and has been grossly underused in WWE but none of that matters right now. I hate the fact Implants are so flimsy. Some doctor is missing the boat on athletic fake titties. Imagine the rewards he would reap from creating a near perfect, invincible replacement tittie? I love breasts.
Edge blows his knee out: Yeah it sucks Edge missed a lot of time. But in his absence Chris Jericho rolled with The Big Show and made the blow a tad softer. If not for Edge going down we would have missed a lot of good to great matches.
Best Tag Team:
Beer Money. There is nothing that TNA does better than any company in the North America except for tag team wrestling. No they don’t have a gigantic division as they claim but what they do have is the best team in North America. James Storm continues to be a huge star being held back. His rub has even made Robert Roode tolerable and then worthwhile. Too bad they will get pushed to the back of the line with the new era of TNA starting. But with this amount of talent it shouldn’t be for long.
JeriShow: This team single: handedly revived the career of The Big Show. They were dominant and helped elevate everyone they wrestled. It isn’t their fault WWE didn’t do anything with their opponents afterwards.
Motor City Machine Guns: Collectively they make the coolest and most relatable wrestlers in TNA for the teenage audience they crave. Couple that with the fact they rarely got air time for ¾ of the year and it shows just how good they are. TNA is sitting on money with these guys.
CM Punk. Finally given time to use his bag of tricks Punk established himself as the best talker in wrestling. It also gave the indy fans who watched him come up an inflated ego with all of the “I told you so’s” once he was allowed to be himself. He incites crowds by doing old school heel tricks without a hint of cool. Audiences don’t like him in the best possible way. They pay to boo him and buy his merchandise as well.
Chris Jericho. An argument for Jericho being the best talker is fair. His old school heel promos had the same effect as Punk. Maybe I am taking him for granted by not placing him at the top but he is easily in the top three.
Angleina Love: First things first, I love Angelina Love. It sucks she is out of TNA, cough, for now. Now, she was the most believable wrestler in TNA. When she spoke it did not seem put on. Her promos made you not like someone that sexy. She is the standard that all women’s wrestlers need to strive for and she is a welcome addition back to TNA. Oops. SPOILER!
CM Punk Retires Jeff Hardy. WWE was put in a strange position when its top flake, err, babyface decided he wanted time off. So he didn’t sign a new contract and thus ended his WWE run for the time being. WWE officials took advantage of this and scheduled a World Title steel cage match between its up and coming heel and top babyface. No one, especially the young viewers, really expects to see the babyface lose a loser leaves town match. All of this happened in a match on free television as well, guaranteeing more viewers than a PPV. Well, Jeff lost and it crushed its young audience and old buffoons who love Hardy. In the process they elevated CM Punk and gave him real credibility.
Randy Orton beats up the McMahon family: Yeah this could have been better but the underlying truths that finally came to light in this feud made it kind of fun. Seeing randy Orton beat up the entire family was a lot of fun and gave disgruntled fans a little bit of glee even if it was put on. Too bad they nearly ruined it with Randy’s fake disease but the good outweighed the bad in this.
WrestleMania 25. Do TNA’s PPV’s ever matter? No One bought ROH’s PPV’s. So, by default, WWE had to have the best PPV and it may as well have been WrestleMania 26. See the match of the year for the big reason why. It also had the last appearance of a broken down JBL as well as Steve Austin’s WWE farewell.
Royal Rumble 2009: I like the Royal Rumble match no matter what happens. Critiquing that match is Dusty’s thing. The World Title match between hardy and Edge was good until they ruined the end but whatever. Still not sure why JBL/Cena was on the card but that just shows how much JBL is not missed.
Best TV Show:
Friday Night Smackdown. How the hell can this show be associated with the same company that produces Raw? It makes absolutely no god damn sense.
ROH on HDNet. It may not be the most watched show and even the production values may be limited but for pure wrestling, it is top notch. There is very little talking and even the announcers have found their groove. It is a brisk hour of television if you have HDNet.
ECW: Yeah this is another WWE show but ECW reminds me of WCW Saturday night but in a positive way. The crowds don’t help the show most weeks but seeing newer wrestlers, for the most part, on a weekly basis is refreshing. ECW also has consistent storylines that flow from week to week, whish is sorely missed on Raw and Impact.
Best Off Screen Happening:
Shane McMahon left WWE. Good riddance douche bag. Take your no selling ass somewhere else and stay off my television.
Don West Gets Replaced: This is both fact and fiction. Don West became awesome this year as the color commentator for Impact. So what do the boneheads do? They replace him with a guy who ate Tazz and stole his shades. In the process they guaranteed Mike Tenay will continue to suck for the foreseeable future. It all makes so much sense.
Cary Silkin fires Gabe Sapolsky. This was a necessary move for both parties and both came out ok in the end. ROH has a new style and Gabe has a new promotion. Gabe was burnt out on ROH and the product suffered. Taking time away allowed him to refresh the batteries and for ROH to find a new voice. It turned out to be a win/win.
Hulk Hogan to TNA. This move got TNA’s name out for some massive exposure. Hogan, having a vested interest in getting his name out in a positive manner, will shill like a snake oil salesman to make sure TNA has a small amount of success. This could be good for wrestling or it could be the worst thing ever. WWE needs competition and he could help bring us something else to watch finally.
With so many to choose from I am going to pick on one substantially inadequate lug; Rob Terry. He sucks. There is no money in this goofy bastard. He has a bad haircut, which I am sure was supposed to make him look modern and cool. He doesn’t sell anything, this is all encompassing
Tyler Reks: Holy shit where to begin? On a positive note, his surfer entrance music was a plus. Too bad once it stopped the rest was abysmal. The crowd didn’t react to this muscled up mess and he was soon forgotten. He went over some people in the process. How embarrassing.
Abyss: Abyss stinks and there is no way around this fact. He claps like a retard in a butterfly swarm while acting like a, well, retard. He only has matches that include big stunt bumps and weapons. You put this guy in a regular match and he can’t go. Its embarrassing this guy is still on TV, even if it is TNA.
Worst Promo Cutter:
Jay Lethal. This would have pained me a year or so ago but he sucks. The gimmick is what got him chosen and it doesn’t matter. His Macho gimmick sucks and everything he says sucks because of it.
Runjan Singh. This window licker can’t make The Astonishing Khali look bad. Hell, Khali is a better promo than this dee-ta-dee and he isn’t even speaking English.
Booker T: First he was Jamaican. Then he was something else. Then he was “street”. But through it all, he was annoying and the biggest reason to turn of Spike TV. He was so bad, even WWE won’t resign his awful ass.
Best Match: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker WrestleMania 26. Hell this is the best WrestleMania match of all time. This is what happens when two veteran wrestlers are given as much time as they want; they delivered in a huge way. I was sick watching WrestleMania this year and this was the only match I vaguely remember from my initial viewing. While recuperating for the following three days I watched this about 20 times. It was just as exciting the tenth time as it was the nineteenth time. It was one of those rare matches I just didn’t want to end.
John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio: Thank god for The Wellness Policy or we would have never gotten this match. Rey got suspended and needed to drop the Intercontinental Title. Instead of putting it on the rising Dolph Ziggler they went with Morrison. Turns out they made the right choice as this match was excellent. It made Morrison look great and Rey good in defeat.
Chris Jericho. Jericho had a rough beginning of the year but after WrestleMania his year took off. His series with Rey Mysterio made reminded everyone how great Rey can be while showing that Jericho works best with someone of equal talent. Not to be outdone, he resurrected the career of The Big Show after Edge went down with an injury. His promos turned out to be the besting the industry and only CM Punk can equal him in WWE.
Jeff Hardy: Stay with me for a minute. Jeff elevated his performance in the ring. He still took the insane bump but not as often. The real progress and the big reason I chose him for this is that his promo ability was incredible. Sure it took a while to get his footing but once he did he finally seemed natural. All of this combined to make him one of the top wrestlers of the year.
Kurt Angle: Say what you will about the guy. He consistently brings it in the ring regardless of opponent. He made Desmond Wolfe, blech, look professional despite the horrible look. He carried Matt Morgan to his best match ever and had a solid professional match with AJ Styles to start 2010. He may look like crap and possibly drop dead in the ring but it will be in spectacular fashion.
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