Best of 2009 – Kevin Edition

Who gets to walk down Stunt Granny's red carpet for 2009?

So there was a mix up at Stunt Granny central and I thought we were to do a YEAR end awards write up not a decade end awards write up. Eric and Dusty are better at that stuff anyway.  I’m just plowing through 2009 happenings. I’ve gone through my digital camera, mined through the internet and have culled up the best parts of this past year.

Best tag teamSarita & Taylor Wilde. This category is an awful one. I went with Sarita & Wilde because I like to look at them. They’ve also had a nice long run (since September 20th) and have been featured on TV. They lost the belts after the New Year so I’m sticking with the hot stuff and cutie pie combination.

2nd PlaceBeer Money. I want to go with them but they’ve been kicked in the teeth for the past 6 months.

3rd PlaceJeriShow.  They only made the tag belts prominent in the WWE for 2 months but that’s better than anybody else in the last five years.

Best promo cutterChris Jericho. He has been at it all year. He ran down Mickie Rourke & The Legends for Wrestlemania, got into it with Rey Mysterio after that and then resurrected Big Show’s career when they formed Jerishow by talking him up like only a manager could. He’s still been funny on the mic the last couple of weeks after their loss to DX.
2nd PlaceCM Punk. He’d always been a proponent of the lifestyle but when he took it to the next level, I was all over it. I didn’t see his stint in ROH when he did this angle so it’s all new to me.
3rd PlaceD’Angelo Dinero. I enjoy his work. It’s a funky and fresh delivery.

Best matchUndertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 25. This one was easy and even if it’s a pick that everybody makes, I don’t care. You can call it a 4 1/2 star, 4 3/4 star or 5 star match. I don’t give a flying fuck. You can even hear me make that argument in this Audio. It was the best match this year and one I will remember for quite some time.
2nd PlaceJohn Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio for the IC Title. It was on Smackdown so it loses some points for commercial interruptions. It was an outstanding match that launched Morrison into another level.
3rd PlaceJohnny Gargano vs. Josh Prohibition for the PWO Heavyweight Title. It was the best match I saw live even if I missed some of the actions due to their fighting in the stands on the other side of the Nautica Pavilion.

Best promotionPro Wrestling Ohio. I could pick on it more if I felt like it but I realize that it’s a small promotion with a small budget. The fact that they’re getting 6 times as many viewers as they did in their 1st season at the start of their 3rd season is impressive. They may do paint by numbers booking, but it makes sense and gets the job done better than any other promotion I watch on TV.
2nd PlaceWWE. No matter how much I bitch about them, which is a lot, they have still elevated people this year (Kofi, Sheamus, The Miz, CM Punk, etc.) and kept HHH out of the title picture for much of the second half of the year which is a feat.
3rd PlaceTNA. Simply because I don’t have an HD TV so there’s no reason to have HDNet to watch ROH.
Best angleCM Punk goes Straight Edge. He rid the WWE of Jeff Hardy and has pretty much broken through the glass ceiling especially considering the fact that he’s a small guy in comparison to most main eventers in the WWE. I like the continuation of the storyline with Luke Gallows which gets Gallows out of a dead end gimmick. The last part hasn’t lived up to the potential I think it has but there’s more to come since the WWE writers start working again this time of the year.
2nd PlaceKofi drops the accent, ruins Randy Orton’s Race Car. Kofi Kingston came into his own and really upped his game after this angle. The WWE giving him a  Jamaican accent held back what have been some good promos.
3rd PlaceJohnny Gargano splits from his menton Josh Prohibition. The pacing could have been a tad better but it was easily the best and most well built angle from Pro Wrestling Ohio this past year.
Best PPVWrestlemania 25. I wasn’t exactly elated with the final two match (Cena vs. Edge vs. Big Show & HHH vs. Randy Orton) but the rest of the card was pretty awesome including the match of the year in Michaels vs. Undertaker. The  Money in the Bank Ladder Match launched CM Punk onto another level, Matt vs. Jeff was a good match, Santino being a woman was entertaining for the time being and  Ricky Steamboat showed that he still had it in limited doses.
2nd PlaceSummerslam. Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph was a great opener, MVP vs. Swagger was solid, JeriShow vs. Cryme Tyme was good because Jericho did do a good job of elevating JTG on Smackdown, Kane vs. Khali sucked donkey balls, DX over Legacy was a good match but the WWE didn’t capitalize on Legacy’s better status after a nice string of matches, Christian vs. Regal blew, Orton vs. Cena was good because Orton actually retained the belt instead of playing hot potato with it and CM Punk won back the World Heavyweight Title in an outstanding TLC main event.
3rd PlaceExtreme Rules. Kofi retained in his patented clusterfuck match, Jerich vs. Rey rocked, Punk strapped Umaga out of the WWE, Dreamer got his day in the sun, Hog Pen garbage, Batista bitch slapped Orton to start the game of hot potato with the WWE Title, Cena submitted Big Show & us with boredom but it ended with a great ladder match between Edge & Jeff Hardy and then Punk slipped in for his 2nd title reign and his transformation into a heel.
Best TV show – Smackdown. They’ve elevated a number of people this year (CM Punk, John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre) after Edge went down with another injury. Edge was doing quite well for himself at the beginning of the year too. We shouldn’t forget Jeff Hardy really catapulting into Super-duper stardom, even if the push got started in 2008. If they ever get around to being serious about the Women’s Division, this show is ready to go with Mickie & Beth even if they’re drug down by the Blackhole of Charisma (See more below). They have more wrestling with enough talking to further the storylines. Their GM kicks ass when he’s not encumbered by the Heat Monster or Vince McMahon reminding us Teddy is on “probation”.
2nd PlacePWO. They don’t have a name for their show but I enjoy watching it as most of these wrestlers are truly in the infancy of their careers. It’s cool to me to watch the go from the bottom floor up.
3rd PlaceECW. As noted above, I like the development aspect of wrestling these days and this show is the WWE’s breeeding ground.

Best wrestlerChris Jericho. I’ve looked up and down the rosters and to me this choice is obvious. He’s cut awesome promos, been involved in good to great matches and helped to elevate Kofi, Big Show and numerous others.

2nd PlaceCM Punk. His matches were good and his mic work was only second to Jericho’s.

3rd Place –  The Miz. He improved the most in my eyes out of any of the wrestlers I watched. Even if it’s his catch phrase, he’s the Miz and he will be awesome for years to come.

Best off-screen happeningRic Flair’s divorce & remarriage. I’m not sure how this guy does it. I didn’t recover from my first divorce this quickly. Maybe it’s because he’s the one doing the cheating, allegedly. I can’t wrap my head around it because even though his balls are probably hanging to the floor when he doesn’t have his wrestling trunks on, his man boobs hang down to where his balls should be and he’s still pumping away as furiously on a real chick as I am with my hand. Fucking bastard. I’m jealous.
2nd PlaceHardcore Holly get canned. He was a Stunt Granny beating post so it did take a little fun out of our lives. The WWE taking him off TV is a better reward though.
3rd  PlaceTraci Brooks Poses for Playboy. Even if she’s not highest on my list of people to be in that magazine, she’s the only female talent to do so this year. We always celebrate nude women on Stunt Granny.
Best injuryThe Great Khali’s bad knees. They’ve run out of ideas for this guy who is too immobile to be a good wrestler. His mic skills are so bad even the WWE stuck a manager, who is given almost no mic time, with him. I wouldn’t have thought about this being a great injury if it weren’t for his re-emergence the last couple of weeks. Yippee for the KissCam.
2nd PlaceBatista’s torn biceps. At least it saved us 4 months of him wrestling. Too bad one of our favorite sites, What Would Tyler Durden Do?, covered him and his fucktarded belloy button tattoo in his down time.
3rd PlaceMickie James’ Breast Implant Explodes. I don’t care if it was real or not. I’d love to explode on her breasts.
Worst wrestlerThe Bella Twins. The WWE doesn’t care about the Women’s Division as illustrated by their 2 minute matches every week on Raw and Smackdown. These women are so awful in the ring that even the WWE has decided to use them solely as eye candy in the era of PG programming. Say hello to Skull & 8 Ball for me.
2nd PlaceVladamir Kozlov. If the WWE loses faith in a stereotypical Russian who happens to be very large, you have to know he sucks.
3rd PlaceLacey Von Erich. Great looks, awful wrestlers.
Worst promo cutterMichelle McCool. Her students probably drooled on their desks from being put to sleep because of her droning monotany and not because of her lithe form. The fact that she’s involved in “Pig Pen” right now isn’t helping her cause.
2nd PlaceEric Young. I thought he was an entertaining guy when he had the comedy role. Unfortunately, TNA decided that he was serious and needed to be pushed as a top tier heel leading a faction. Thanks for making me bang my head against a brick wall.
3rd PlaceSamoa Joe. He stopped yelling at the end of the year but that doesn’t get him out of placing for bronze in this category.
Congratulations if you got to the end. – Kevin
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