(UPDATE: I just looked at the TNA roster page — and you can guess why — and the world champion still says “TBD” as of 3:50 p.m. central time Monday. You’re telling me the fucking Web master couldn’t update the fucking page during the FUCKING PPV?? Jesus tap dancing merciless christ… Also, good call on Jeremy: Whatever idiot made this sign [*cough*Russo’sKid*cough*] used the wrong “they’re”…)
(My thanks to Dusty for finding this picture, and my apologies to Jeremy for also writing what almost amounts to a blog about TNA Bound For Glory.) So what we have here are the leaders of TNA (and we know this because one of them has the TNA World Title), Jeff Hardy (a WWE guy), Abyss (a loser, a dirtball and total bush-league hack who would get booed out of IWA-MS), and Jeff Jarrett (a simpleton who couldn’t draw a dime with a fucking dime-shaped stencil). They are feuding with “Slow and Steady” Sting, D’Angelo “Better Than This” Dinero, Samoa “Don’t Call Me the New Sting” Joe, and “Twittering” Kevin Nash WHOOPS KEVIN NASH IS LEAVING.
I wonder if they’ll get into an altercation with Fortune, featuring some of the once-brightest acts in professional wrestling — AJ Styles (no longer a dork, that’s Eric Young), Matt Morgan (from that Fox show that might get canceled), Douglas Williams (who lost to Jay Lethal at Bound For Glory as a backdrop to Dusty’s favorite angle, the Shore) Kazarian (the modern-day Paul Roma; you can put a suit on a jobber, but he’ll still be a jobber) and poor, poor Beer Money, all led by “I Don’t Wrestle Clerks from Walmart… At Least Not Current Ones” Ric Flair.
But who would want to wrestle those chumps after they lost to EV2, a bald/balding/bleeding/barf-inducing group of aging, degenerating former hardcore wrestlers (being shown up each week by Abyss, who doesn’t even do anything that hardcore, hence the aforementioned IWA-MS boo-fest), led by Mick Foley (the original Abyss in almost every category of consideration, other than Wade Keller fawning on him) and consisting of Tommy “Do We Have Any Spare T-Shirts?” Dreamer, Sabu, Chubby Raven, Stevie “Can’t Pay the Bills With Potential” Richards and “Not Even Good Enough to Team With Jesse Neal” Rhino. And I guess Rob Van Dam, for whom people still chant, because he’s awesome.
These are the men fighting for control of TNA, all with Hulk Hogan On Crutches leading the way and Eric “Is It Sturgis Time Yet” Bischoff pulling the strings, except he’s really not. Is it sad that the best news to come out of Bound For Glory is that Generation Me got new outfits? -Eric