Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

What does this picture have to do with Raw? Absolutely nothing.

I’ve recently been amused on Twitter by the guys from The Pensblog doing #Jagrwatch, which is an amusing way of lobbying for the Penguins to rehire Jaromir Jagr. I decided I’d do some similar shenanigans and try to get #JeffHardyWatch trending while he is awaiting his verdict on his drug trafficking charges. You try to mimic lyrics, crack jokes or find numerical patterns and apply them to Jeff Hardy. My latest tweet: Carolina barbeque is not served in prison. #JeffHardyWatch. I may as well mention it on the site to continue my futile efforts to get more people to follow us. I haven’t been able to mention Twitter on things like the Big 11 because we’ve all been assholes and slacked off on that duty. Time to spin the wheel and try to make Raw a big deal. I’ll be live in no time since I’m starting at 9:20.

Booker T gets to spin the roulette wheel all night. HBK comes out to start things off. He couldn’t stay away. He’s still not getting in the ring. He goes with the DX shameless plug. CM Punk saves us. Mason Ryan suffered an injury over the weekend. Did I miss some news or is this a story line? I love Punk ripping on the addictive personality and losing in his last match. HBK can always pull the Super Kick out of nowhere. Punk gets the first match of the night. Mystery opponent for all of five seconds. Kane and they at least admit he’s from Smackdown.

According to Cole’s logic, which makes sense, no one would ever wrestle until the pay per view. Punk gets counted out because wrestling sucks.

Bourne vs. Sin Cara has to wait until Booker does another intro for the match. Cow girl Eve is smoking. No count out. Booker tries to sell the stip. No one is buying it. Sin Cara is tightening his stuff up some but he’s still sloopy. Bourne even has to put over Sin Cara. I wish Bourne were in an ethnic group or from another country. Del Rio, Sheamus, McIntyre, Sin Cara, Jinder Mahal & Great Khali have been given better pushes and far less jobs. Vickie interrupts Kofi and spins the wheel for him. Player’s Choice and Kofi bans Vickie from ring side. They make good on both botched matches from last week. I guess they did have legit problems last week. Sorry WWE.

Raw participants in the Money In The Bank match are Kofi, Rey, Bourne, Del Rio (Destiny!), R Truth, Jack Swagger, Alex Riley & Miz. I’d say Del Rio has the inside track. My boy comes down. Dolph tries to leave. What the hell, going to commercial at a 6 count when Kofi just got slammed into the post? Awful.

King really could use another line of attack on Vickie aside from making fun of her looks. Mr. KSU eats a Trouble in Paradise. That rope bounce thing is sheer silliness. Maryse, march all them hotties to the wheel. Del Rio hits on her. She likes money, why not? Steel cage match. Booker gets to shoe horn in another catch phrase.

Show smiling like a butcher’s dog as he comes down to the ring. I make fun of TNA for it, so I’m really glad I didn’t order the PPV. Del Rio vs. Show & Cena vs. Truth are on tonight’s card. Hmm, I wonder why your buy rates suck. Henry comes down. Another Smackdown guy. He gets to pull off the fake door. Del Rio gets a cheapie. I think the WWE agrees with me and is getting Show away from Del Rio. Henry doing a good job of talking trash.

A women’s submission match. We’re a lucky lot. Nikki starts working over the arm. What the what? I look at Twitter for five second and KK locks in a Boston Crab. King finally has a come back for Cole the only time he doesn’t make sense tonight. Congrats on the hard work King.

WWE pushing the family man Andy again. At least they are keeping his face around without wasting our time. Rey with Riley against Miz & whoever Rey is feuding. Forgot the name already. DDP gets to plug the WCW DVD. Hey, it’s Drew McIntyre! Welcome back to TV. Super kicked. Yep, that’s about right. Oh, Swagger.

Cole covers himself so he can root for heel Swagger by saying they’ve made up recently. Tornado style match so they can easily pair off. Bad guys try to get the upper hand but Riley & Rey do. Super hip toss, glad Riley didn’t try anything harder. Weird spot for it to happen with them going to commercial now.

The heels have control after the break. Rey’s pants are pretty awesome. They have a scale look to them, a nice shiny black color. The yellow pops the blue designs and lettering. It feels vaguely military with the star and carrots (Chevron is the proper name). Rey gets a nice two count on Miz. The match is picking up. Rey eats a big boot to be the last man in the match to kick out at two. Awesome finishing sequence to the match and the crowd ate it up. Truth sporting a white flak jacket. Cool look.

The crowd chants are more interesting than the match so far even if they are coming like clock work these days. Cole has enough free time in the match to run down the card from the rest of the night. CM Punk saves us for the second time tonight.  Truth spears Cena through the table. He gets to complain more and you finally connect Punk & Cena. Well played sirs. Why in the hell is Punk sporting an Austin shirt? Punk is killing it. How can they not resign this guy? Punk, you are in the opening credits with Nexus. I’ll check later. Punk going off the rails a little bit. He focuses back up when he talks about Vince & the family. He then has the mic turned off on him. I like the Sopranos ending to the show. -Kevin

Morning After: I haven’t check any other wrestling sites and only got on Twitter to continue #JeffHardyWatch. I assume that people are still talking about CM Punk’s promo from last night. Even though people know he got permission to say what he did, they are gushing about it. The internet is buzzing, a new, fresh, raw (pun intended) promo from one of the internet’s darlings. I hate to put the kibosh on this out pouring of love but, the WWE doesn’t care. We’re not going to get more promos like this one. If he is truly done with the WWE, all of the morals he’s staked himself to go out the window. So we might get a couple of more promos out of him but just like the Nexus angle, it’s going to come to a screeching halt sooner rather than later. We’re going to back to the same crap and CM Punk will be right in a way. I don’t buy much merchandise but I still buy a ticket for Raw, Smackdown or pay per views here in Columbus, probably going to hit Miami for Wrestlemania and will purchase the occasional pay per view. We are part of the problem. -Kevin

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