Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on May 13, 2013 by stuntgranny

Spring-Cleaning

I’ve been doing extra house cleaning to make room for my lady friend. Baby Momma Drama is supposed to be exiting to make space for her. I just finished cleaning out the pantry to make room for all of her baking equipment. I love cooking but don’t do much in the baking department. I’ve already hit my closet to make room for clothes. It’s been nice shedding stuff I haven’t worn in years. Anyway, it’s getting late enough. I got my intro in. Let’s roll.

It looks like we’ve got ourselves a dance off to start the night. I FF thru their entrances. Fandango‘s outfit is outstanding. Is Jericho‘s partner from Dancing with the Stars? I don’t care to rewind. I’m hoping they’re giving them more mic time than dance time. The old berate the woman gimmick. Nice way to go with him. If they go with Summer Rae being in on it, I’ll like it even more. Good of Fandango to finish off Jericho with the dance floor. Awesome, she was in on it.

Zack Ryder continues to get TV time as a jobber. That usually leads to some mediocre gig like 3MB. I’m glad Alberto Del Rio is on the WWE App. I’m not downloading it. I watch too much already. Ryback rules.

Tons of Funk get a very short entrance while the Prime Time Players got squat. Sweet Tea starts against Darren Young. Wow, that was worthless. Young gets the hair pick to the throat of Clay so that O’Neil can get the roll up. Unlike ROH getting something of a pass from me for the Paul London situation, the WWE in no way gets a pass for having Dolph Ziggler wrestle anytime in less than a month. Anyone that loses that much memory needs recovery time. For probably much longer than a month. Fuck Jack Swagger.

Teddy Long comes out to give the verdict. Of course the clown car out for the verdict. Number one contender’s match for Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio. Big E Langston takes on Del Rio or Swagger but I have to download the WWE App to vote. Piss off. No.

Dean Ambrose challenges for Kofi Kingston‘s US Title at Extreme Rules. Damien Sandow tries to sell us on his ability to beat Kingston before said PPV. Ha. Sandow is doing a much better job in the ring being convincing than with his mic work. Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere. I hope they have Rollins & Reigns go after the tag titles now so that they can all have gold. I like faction gold hoarding.

Josh Matthews gets to serve up Mark Henry‘s promo on a tee. I love the other announcers calling Matthews a moron because he is. Sheamus and Henry end up lighting each other up with straps. That should be a fun match on Sunday. They’ve been selling this PPV something fierce.

Randy Orton takes on Antonio Cesaro again. Good on Jerry Lawler and later JBL to sell their previous match. RKO out of nowhere. That seems familiar for some reason.

3MB is in the ring for the Miz. I feel like he has been missing but in no way do I care. Lawler is animated tonight, sneaking in an Indians reference. The Pirates are doing okay themselves too. Tonight was not a banner night though. Heath Slater gets to catch a beating. Kind of a cool spot having Miz toss Slater onto 3MB. It didn’t look that smooth though. Figure Four for the win. Ah, big return says Mitchell Cool. Thank you sir. He did defend trying to call the match earlier this segment. He does the right thing sometimes.

Awesome, Reigns & Rollins are going for the tag team titles on Sunday. Make like dwarves and hoard some gold. Ambrose starts the match which gets the announcers to mention the idea. Kane starts out for his team. Holy shilling the app Batman. I’d actually be up for just seeing the matches the whole way thru. Evidently it’s an elimination match so Kane got tossed right before the second break. This crowd is going nuts for Daniel Bryan. The numbers game catches up to Daniel Bryan while John Cena was taking an Edge Coffee Break (TM). Cena hulks up from the fans. Attitude Adjustment on Rollins for an elimination. Reigns gets tossed for shoving the ref. Ambrose can’t get the cheap pin though. He gets caught in an STF. Reigns & Rollins attack to cause the DQ. Triple power bomb. Ryback came down and whacked the ankle with a chair.

Ryback isn’t going to play by the rules any more. Ryback rules. Big E Langston is going to end up taking on Jack Swagger. More app TV time infill. Good to see Ziggler doing media from his place still. This match is getting nothing from the crowd. Langston makes it to the ropes while Swagger has on the Patriot Lock. I was interested to see what they’d do with him. He’s gotten some squash matches but Swagger is a step up from that. Big E gets counted out. Nice way around him being pinned. Alberto Del Rio goes on the attack. They trade finishers. Langston joins the fun. Del Rio stands tall. The crowd is still sitting on it’s hands.

AJ Lee is taking on Natalya while a zoo is on the outside including the Great Khali, Hornswoggle, Kaitlyn and the Bellas. The later three are on the head sets. The secret admirer thing is so 1980s. The Bellas still stink on wheels. Kaitlyn doesn’t know what to do on this shit show. AJ locks in the Black Window for the tap out win. Interesting. AJ’s heat is dead.

Chris Jericho tries to look serious. The camera angle was weird. The promo was okay. He needs to be more heelish.

HHH comes out. Oh boy, he became a man in the ring. He feels alive in a cage. Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman come out. Trips wants to fight. After much very good blathering, Brock doesn’t fight for free. Brock is up to 320? Ha. He’s bigger than his UFC days but not that much bigger. HHH calls him a bitch for the I don’t know how many-eth times. Lesnar acts like he’s taking the bait. Thet brawl. Not like we haven’t seen it before. Brock better win on Sunday. Even steven booking agrees with me. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on May 6, 2013 by stuntgranny

Sleepy_Puppies

My dogs crashed out early which is strange enough in itself. When you add an open front door to the equation, I’m really confused. Time to start this review though before I inevitably have to take them on another spin. Let’s roll.

I wasn’t paying attention to Twitter today so I had no idea they worked an angle on it. John Cena tries to climb aboard the Daniel Bryan bandwagon with his promo. Brickie comes out without the Brad Maddox part. Ryback comes out to merchandise. Doesn’t he know it’s summer? I’ll give the marketing department an F on this one. John, it’s two dollars that Ryback owes you. Vickie almost cracked a smile at the granny panties on a pole match. Ryback decides to go with a last man standing match. Mitchell Cool had “sources at the scene” when Heyman & Lesnar went to WWE Headquarters. It was a scary situation according to Jerry Lawler’s sources. Why couldn’t hey get real words? Real sources. They work for the WWE. It happened hours ago. You used Twitter to announce this angle. All of the information should be out already. The angle destroys itself.

Randy Orton is taking on Damien Sandow because the WWE liked their match on Smackdown. Sandow had good points but a terrible rhyme. Awkward commercial break as Orton is in the middle of a drop kick. RKO. The crowd goes crazy. Fair enough match but whatever. I dig the moment of going to the announcers but having Big Show KO Orton. Cool called it out then they went to replay.

My lady thinks it’s bull shit that she didn’t get to see Chris “Jerry” Jericho and his light up jacket last week. I agree. The traveling dancing circus are going to help Jericho judge Fandango‘s dancing. Lawler makes an awful ballet joke. R Truth comes out for more dance. Fandango leaves after R Truth wins on the score cards. This gimmick is ridiculous. So is this Lesnar angle. Just another partial answer segment. I don’t get it. I’m not more invested in the answer.

Daniel Bryan is challenging Ryback again. Ryback turns him down. Kane steps up. Ryback rules. Another solid segment. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. Why did I watch Smackdown? Jack Swagger decides to show his mug with Zeb. Dolph gets kicked in the head off a missed enziguri. Jack Swagger gets to look really good. Ouch, it looked like Dolph & Alberto took head shots with the ladder. Upon further review, sell job by Ziggler. Del Rio looked like he took one in the noggin.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on April 22, 2013 by stuntgranny

MoreThanAConqueror

I’m trying to conquer the internet but that will have to wait until after I type this column. My introduction usually involves something from the weekend. The problem with that is that I have a column in the works about it. I hoped to get it done today but work got in the way. Let’s roll.

I’m pretty excited to see the Undertaker tonight. It should be a fun match up that I expect to end in a pin on Daniel Bryan. I haven’t looked at the spoilers either. What fun would that be? Paul Heyman starts off the top of the show. He is there on behalf of Brock Lesnar. HHH is really there and Paul Heyman makes a fantastic face. I’m not sure why the WWE feels like they need to have the three man booth. JBL & Josh Matthews should be on Smackdown. Jerry Lawler & Mitchell Cool on Raw. HHH Pedigrees Heyman. I didn’t look at the MRI results but I’m guessing not too much is wrong with Trips.

R Truth raps horribly. Antonio Cesaro yoodles horribly but the crowd goes sing song. What the hell? Downward Spiral for the win. Why is R Truth winning? Woof. The Shield makes an entrance from a helicopter into some black tinted SUV. How cheesey. I give them an A for effort. D on execution.

Brodus Clay made his entrance before the commercial break. Damien Sandow is taking him on. They’re escorted by their usual crews. Sandow gets the roll up pin. A second straight who the fuck cares match and finish. Dolph Ziggler is talking to his championship belt. AJ Lee is thinking about going after the Diva’s Title. Okay, I’m glad they’re planting the seeds for Big E to break away or turn. Vickie Guerrero & Brad Maddox are giving Dolph bad news. I think Brad has freshened her up. They give us a review on CM Punk. The Shield get a new fresh video. Believe in the Shield.

Chris Jericho comes out for his entrance. Dolph Ziggler comes out with his crew. If Jericho wins, he gets a spot in the title match. Nothing happened before the break. Everyone is shocked. Big E finally gets a shot in at Jericho to spice this thing up. This crowd is trying but no one is going to live up to the post Wrestlemania crowd until they go to Dallas or Chicago. I know Columbus won’t even be this loud next week. Jericho gets a near fall off a superplex. Code Breaker but he brags. Ziggler puts his foot on the rope. Classic. Walls of Jericho. Fandango comes out to distract Jericho. Ziggler breaks the hold. Zig Zag for the win. That’s bull honkey according to my girl. Speaking of which, my four year old nephew calls Donkey Kong, Honkey Kong. I couldn’t help but laugh. Josh Matthews gets to interview Mick Foley. He talks down to Ryback.

 

With much less fan fare, Cody Rhodes takes on Sweet T. I’m glad he’s updated his ring gear finally. Ridiculously long underhook suplex. JBL is still trying to pump up Sweet T. Hell of an announcer but I still want him on one show. I enjoy separate teams. He has been showing off more of his offense as a baby face. Power bomb then pins him with a senton. This stupid gimmick may get him somewhere if they can both shake it at some point. Daniel Bryan and Kane are backstage. Bryan wants to go over strategy. They get attacked by the Shield after their spat. Good stuff.

Ryback is with Josh Matthews. He wants an explanation. He points out the obvious. Ryback is pissed at Foley. Mick is getting beat up tonight. He’s great at selling. Big E Langston powders up before his match. Ha. Zack Ryder looks like the sacrificial lamb. The crowd is just not with Ryder any more. The Big Ending. I have no idea why Ryder had to retire the last version of his gimmick. I continue to feel bad him. He could be in a Christian spot.

The Undertaker comes out by himself. The Shield comes in from the crowd. Kane & Bryan make “the save”? We get the regular match after another break. Everyone loves Old School. The baby faces are handing the heels the beat down early. Kane is the first man to sell for his team. Bryan gets the luke warm tag so that he can be the next one to sell. This is more than a luke warm tag though. Of course he starts to sell before the next commercial. I’m glad they’re really making a match of Taker’s appearance without him doing much work. Taker gets the real hot tag. He’s pulling out most of the arsenal. Spear by Reigns breaks it up. Taker can’t quite pull off the clothesline any more. Flying Goat gets crotched. Kane & Taker fight Reigns & Rollins on the outside. The Flying Goat misses. Dean Ambrose gets the pin.

Mick Foley gets to be in a segment with John Cena. Foley knows he’s walking into a trap. Cena gives him a chair. Fandango comes out his match. We wait for a commercial to find out that William Regal is going to lose to him. They let Regal have some offense before taking the fall. Downward Spiral. Jericho attacks him as he gets to the stage. Jericho offers his hand to the female dancer. He dips her. Good exploitation.

I’m supposed to pretend that AJ isn’t going to win this battle royal. She’s the only one who got a promo tonight. Tamina super kicks her head off. AJ plays dead to stick around. Layla eliminates Tamina. Layla starts to drag her in the wrong direction. AJ played opossum. AJ wins. Cool rightfully askes for updated references.

I am not finishing this one too late. Mick Foley can really turn it on when he wants to. Ryback ends up trapped in the ring with John Cena when the Shield shows up again. Cena leaves Ryback in the ring. Cena then makes the save with a chair. Good way to tie up that loose end. Attitude Adjustment after a look down by Ryback. Fair enough segment. Not enough for show closer. -Kevin

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Wrestlemania 29 (NY/NJ) Preview Part II

Posted on April 4, 2013 by stuntgranny

funk-old-school-2011

Since Jeremy agreed that he wouldn’t be doing previews as I had predicted on Monday, I’m going written for the previews. I’m hoping to do two matches a day including on Sunday. We’ll see if it happens or if I end up stacking them up because I can’t get to them. I’ll be separating them into pairs with one good match and one bad match.

Bad Match

Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay & Tensai) & the Funkadactyls (Naomi & Cameron) vs Team Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow) & The Bella Twins (Nikki & Brie): I feel bad for just about everyone in this match except for the Bella Twins. They shouldn’t have a roster spot and aren’t hot enough to stick around. From what little I’ve seen in Naomi & Cameron in the ring, they seem better than everyone in the Diva’s division right now except Kaitlyn. I know that isn’t saying much since the division is about as low as it can get now. The fact that the WWE audience continues to cheer dancing big men is infuriating. Brodus Clay got off to a good start but getting more silly with another dancing big man is not the correct direction to head. Cody Rhodes is awesome on the stick but his size continues to hinder him. Damien Sandow has the size and stick skills but the WWE hasn’t given him much to sink his teeth into. The WWE will never be serious about their Tag or Divas divisions again except in small spurts. Predicition: Heels have to win some matches during Wrestlemania and this one has heel victory written all over it.

Good Match

Ryback vs Mark Henry: The build for this match has been almost perfect. If it weren’t for the fact that the WWE has rebuilt Henry more times than I can remember and Ryback has had the same gimmick for six months with a brief feud with CM Punk and the Shield, it would have been better. I’m bored by these guys beating up multiple opponents even if they’re showing off tremendous strength. Let’s get back to the build up though. From the moment they first locked eyes, I was excited for this match. Power on power matches are rarely gems in the ring but they create an atmosphere that all the flipping around can’t recreate. These power matches almost always find themselves in the “No touching before insert pay per view” stipulation which makes the writers a little more creative. The bench press contest was fun and so was using a wrestler, even if Zack Ryder deserves more, as a projectile. Prediction: Ryback wins then the WWE immediately gives him the losing streak gimmick to see what he’s made out of.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 25, 2013 by stuntgranny

The_Final_Countdown

I’m getting to start early because my boxer decided to fall asleep much earlier than expected. It looks like today starts the final count down to Wrestlemania. I hope this song sticks in your brain during the whole show. Let’s roll.

CM Punk & Paul Heyman get to start the show. If the Rock isn’t the last segment, I’ll be shocked. Punk is not getting much of a reaction. The crowd does get behind the Undertaker attack. The promo didn’t do a whole lot for me. Taker looks like he is mobile. I wonder what length of match he has in him though. Thirty seconds isn’t a test.

Fandango is supposed to make his in ring debut again. They talk about Chris Jericho who never should have been surprised by Fandango showing up when they put his entire entrance up on Smackdown. Jericho goes right after Fandango. Why did Jericho agree to work this angle? I’m confused that this is his thing headed into Wrestlemania. Dolph Ziggler was conveniently ready to go when Fandango ran off. Before the break, I was busy checking the news on Dustin Kilgore, who wrestles for Kent State. He won the the 197 pound division last year and lost this year in the championship 8-6. Impressive career. I wonder if he’ll follow in Dolph’s foot steps. Big E Langston interferes of course. A second attempt works for the Walls. Dolph taps. Langston ambushes him. Someone for their team needs some heat. Fandango comes back down. After dancing in front of him, he assaults Jericho. Why should I believe Fandango can beat Jericho if he just got the guy who has the MITB briefcase to tap? None.

They recap Smackdown again. It really must be Wrestlemania season. Two weeks in a row on this stuff. Sheamus gets to talk until the Shield attacks. These dummies aren’t traveling together? Randy Orton then Big Show make the save. Stay together or within closer ass kicking distance.

Mark Henry gets to continue his show of strength by beating the Usos. They got a splash in which is surprising. World’s Strongest Slam. Impressive but getting repetitive at this point. He’s had this character for a while. This Philly crowd seems luke warm.

They put the 9 PM switch to Antonio Cesaro taking on Alberto Del Rio. Good for them. Mitchell Cool informs us of frequent belt changes at Wrestlemania. I’ll remember that for the John Cena vs the  Rock match. Jack Swagger attacks Ricardo Rodriguez again. Del Rio makes the save. Cesaro celebrates the count out win. Kind of funny. Del Rio attacks Cesaro. Why are you making a baby face look like a petty dick?

The Prime Time Players get to play fodder to Team Hell No. You could convince me the crowd was half of 18,000+ Mitchell Cool just said. I feel bad for Cool when Lawler no sells his “Don’t work six days of the work” line. Kane choke slammed Young for the win.

HHH gives me plenty of catch up time. He delivered a HHH promo and didn’t waste time. I could handle that. HHH kicks Wade Barrett in the nuts.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 18, 2013 by stuntgranny

Brad-Pitt-fight-club-body

I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on March 11, 2013 by stuntgranny

ap_paul_bearer

We have to cover wrestling some time. So here it is after a week off and more to come from our shenanigans in Nashville. Let’s roll.

The WWE does the right thing and pays tribute to Paul Bearer to start the show. The man that awkwardly ended that segment comes out next. Thanks for giving your catch phrase to a real dead man, Undertaker. CM Punk interrupts before Taker can get started. I love the promo again. What a dick move.

They are really pushing WWE Active. I’m still not biting. Kane goes on a rampage against Punk because Undertaker can’t wrestle. Alex Riley finally gets some air time. Big Show comes out next. They recap more story that didn’t happen on TV. Here’s an idea for the WWE. How about less replays and more actual content on the show? Seth Rollins is taking him on one on one. SOrt of, what’s to prevent them from attacking like normal? Shouldn’t they be banned from ringside just to start with. Big Show helps them out with the angle. Triple power bomb. I hope that after Wrestlemania, The Shield progresses and breaks into singles wrestling or a singles wrestler and a tag team. CM Punk cries to Vickie Guerrero about Kane. She puts him in a no DQ match with Kane. Holy shit, a Smackdown replay on Raw? What is coming of this world?

Daniel Bryan was out before the break. We can Tout about Paul Bearer because we haven’t had enough social media on the show yet. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent. I think my boy might win. Big E Langston needs to start doing something other than look menacing. Commercial time. I’d be pretty cool if they made Bryan a legitimate threat again. I get the feeling though he’s headed for Chris Jericho territory. Fun counter by Ziggler. Doesn’t seem very heelish. Rocker Dropper only gets two. Awesome finish with counters. Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. Big E drops Daniel Bryan with his finisher.

Tensai the dancing monkey is supposed to take on another dancing monkey, Fandango. This gimmick may be growing on me. GI Joe: Retaliation preview looks pretty cool.

Team Rhodes Scholars does a good mock of the New Age Outlaws introduction. People still love the original and will continue to love shouting “Suck it!” Brock Lesnar comes out. Billy Gunn tries to take the fight to him but fails. Good way to get him some heat. Paul Heyman does a great sell job on the conditions.

Kofi Kingston is fodder for Mark Henry. They show the show downs with Ryback. World’s Strongest Slam. Cody Rhodes hits on Kaitlyn but Damien Sandow brings back the Bellas. Holy smokes. You ladies aren’t the answer to anything. Vickie puts them in a match with Sheamus & Randy Orton. Ryback is out next. The sacrificial lamb is introduced after the Psych preview. I hope it doesn’t suck as much as the show Cena was in.

Heath Slater gets the nod. Good choice in the selling department even if we’ve seen it before. Henry watches from the ramp. Shell Shock. Drew McIntyre gets the same treatment. Henry walks into the ring and slams McIntyre. Shell Shock. Slam.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Antonio Cesaro. Del Rio cuts a cheese-tastic inset promo. Cesaro is starting to seem like Dolph Ziggler part 2. They keep putting him into good matches but he keeps losing but they clearly like him. Cross Arm Breaker submission for Del Rio. Kane loves his father’s ashes.

I’m glad they could give us more recap on John Cena & the Rock. More replays, of Brock Lesnar now. Sheamus gets the big introduction. Randy Orton came in before the Lesnar replay. WWE App still has more real content than the TV product. Randy Orton gets the hot tag though. T-Bone suplex out of Orton. Good for him. Not really a hot tag. Time for him to sell for their team. We may get a commercial break. Nope, Sheamus got the hot tag for reals. Rhodes takes the RKO so that both the good guys can do their finishers. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Sandow for the win.

The WWE App has even more real content instead of the TV show. The Shield attacked Orton & Sheamus. Chris Jericho tells us more movie footage because it is more important than TV product too. Wade Barrett gives us more movie footage. The Miz gives his same schtick. Jericho shows him how to stay somewhat fresh. The Miz and Jericho are going to fight to get a crack at Barrett. Wade is on the headset when they return. The old toss your opponent into the guy on the head set trick rears it’s ugly head. Is this what Jericho gets for Wrestlemania?

I FF thru Zeb Colter’s promo because I’m tired of it already. Jack Swagger gets Sin Cara to tap out easily. Alberto Del Rio comes to his rescue. More movie stuff. This time with Halle Berry. David Otunga grew his goat back. He gave her phone number to Kane. He kills again. I’m not sure how they talked her into that one. Or the movie.

They are not leaving much time for CM Punk vs Kane. I got 10 minutes by my DVR. They take a commercial break at 11:05. What a bunch of douches. They come back with 2 minutes left on my DVR. Fuck these guys. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 25, 2013 by stuntgranny

undertaker-buried-alive

Never a good day to go to a funeral. No one is coming back after months of resting an injury. That’s all she wrote man. Profound, huh? I’m not so I’m not going to pretend. Enjoy your time here. I’ll feel a little bit better after mocking the WWE for about three hours. Let’s roll.

Vince McMahon starts the show. He’s kind of got a Joker like suit on. Paul Heyman comes dressed for a fight. I love the people in the front row clapping about the Romo joke. Brock Lesnar shows up again. HHH shows up with a buzz cut. You need to have HHH win and he does. Predictable stuff.

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Ryback. Big E Langston & AJ Lee are at ring side. I’ve been on the phone the whole segment. It has not changed how much I taped. Big E comes into play. It doesn’t matter though. Loss 1 million for Ziggler.

CM Punk tells us tonight is about him. I’m even starting to tune out him. Donald Trump is the newest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame.

I’m off the phone but completely uninterested in Mark Henry vs the Great Khali XX. We get it, Henry can World’s Strongest Slam Khali. The Marine III looks terrible. If that’s the best you can do, stop trying.

Miz TV is next with Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez. It goes as expected. I was explaining Swagger to Baby Momma Drama so I missed the specifics. Whatever.

Randy Orton takes on Antonio Cesaro. Let’s see if I can type more than two sentences about it. RKO out of nowhere because Orton needs to beat an up and comer just to keep his quasi-main event status. He’s got no direction right now. Brad Maddox & Vickie Guerrero talk Daniel Bryan & Kane into a match with the Prime Time Players. Not their best work. Team Brickie does have a nice ring to it. This JBL/John Cena commercial is pretty funny. They have the perfect people in the roles.

Sheamus is out to give us his Oscar snubs. Thanks for helping to get us some extra hits for mentions of unrelated material. Oh, it’s funny man Sheamus plugging the movie Barrett is in for five seconds. This is bombing. Wade Barrett is here to save us. He did well but didn’t blow me away.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Posted on February 18, 2013 by stuntgranny

Autobahn

Jeremy mentioned to me that I didn’t need to do this column any more. I hadn’t realized I had brought the idea up myself not all that long ago when we were talking about adding content. When he reminded me today about it, I felt offended. I don’t know why it did. I only started this column because of our trip to Wrestlemania XXVII. I still want to do it because it’s still the biggest wrestling show. But I may not go full on blog style. We’ll see. Let’s roll.

John Cena makes a deal with CM Punk for his Wrestlemania spot. CM Punk takes the deal on his terms. Um, Cena doesn’t need to take the counter offer. Nice of them to give us a week of build up.

Sheamus tries to talk sense in Ryback. Chris Jericho becomes the voice of reason and puts over the Shield. And the WWE. More chest slapping and creepy staring. Sin Cara gets to lose very quickly to Mark Henry. For some reason, the Great Khali comes out to save Sin Cara from the post match beat down. Henry blows him off. I love the mocking.

We get another Miz vs Antonio Cesaro match. I haven’t watched a single Fandango vignette. We’ve got the dancing Khali, Tensai and Brodus Clay. Do we really need another dancer in the WWE? My vote is absolutely no. The Miz is being tough guy holding out from the injury. Be smart like Punk, Miz and take a week off. Dear lord, Mitchell Cool thinks Cesaro is speaking German. Jerry Lawler calls him on it but doesn’t go at him hard. The Miz wins by figure four. Weak. Zeb Colter gets to do a home video with Jack Swagger. The Mexicans are invading. Jack Swagger agrees. Weak trolling by the WWE.

Daniel Bryan is wrestling Jack Swagger. Bryan is a high class jobber when he’s in a singles match. Kane doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton likes them. Decent knocks on Kane’s character. Vickie Guerrero tries to aggravate Paul Heyman. We get no conclusion to that story. It’s not a cliff hanger guys.

Dolph Ziggler takes on Alberto Del Rio so that he can be a high class jobber. A commercial again? Colter is pointing shit out during a reverse chin lock. Do you think it was “Them Mexicans even take a siesta during their own matches?” Ziggler kicked out of the low super kick. Cool tries to hype the Paul Heyman news. Ziggler grabs the rope after a back stabber. Del Rio wins by cross arm breaker. Big E Langston assaulted Del Rio and shouted “It’s over for you.” Ricardo Rodriguez runs off with the briefcase. Del Rio recovers. Zeb can’t xenophobia up Ziggler so no drama in that.

Wade Barrett was in a movie. Terrance Howard and Colin Ferrall are in it. Hot diggity that was a long trailer. Sheamus runs him down because losing to Bo Dallas wasn’t quite enough. Tensai, Brodus Clay & Naomi are taking on Rosa Mendes, Epico & Primo. Double splash win. The WWE sucks. Wrestlemania next year is in New Orleans. We might have a trip on our hands.

(more…)

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Stunt Granny Audio #214

Posted on January 31, 2013 by stuntgranny

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Jeremy just wanted to shoot the shit. Kevin decided that investigate that notion by wondering how you could skeet shoot poo. How exactly is he planning on making sure the poo doesn’t spread when it gets shot? This reminds both of them of the famous scene in Airplane! when the shit hits the fan. They move on to talking about deep sea giant squid and Jeremy’s terrible DVR skills.  Jeremy and Kevin finally get around to talking about Raw. How did the WWE manage to start laying the ground work for three matches at Wrestlemania but yet still have a boring show? Did Paul Heyman spice it up? Maybe Vince McMahon? Why does the WWE continue to make Brock Lesnar look like a bad guy even though the crowd cheers him every time he comes out? They stopped doing it with Chris Jericho who seems destined to battle Dolph Ziggler. They will have a good match but is that enough? Is anyone looking forward to Rock vs John Cena II? Will CM Punk put a monkey wrench into those plans if the Undertaker is injured? The guys wrap up by talking about Jeremy not ordering Wrestlemania. Will a good build up get him to order it? Find out when you click the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #214

Filed under: Audio Updates, Podcasts, WWE News | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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