Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on October 8, 2012 by stuntgranny

I don’t have an idea for my introduction so piss off. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out to a big ovation. You can still telling he’s favoring the right elbow. We got a three man booth of JBL, Mitchell Cool and Jim Ross. I think I can handle that. Cena shouldn’t be allowed out to babble. That guy has more focus problems than someone with ADHD. The crowd is moving over to more boos for CM Punk. The male demo is still trying. Most of us are choosing intelligently to leave. I’m obviously not intelligent. Ryback comes up after Cena wraps up. Wow, why is he wrestling Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo? The WWE is rebuilding the tag team division now they’re going to crap on it. At least the WWE is consistent with something. Ryback wins by gently laying down E&P on their backs. Shell Shock is not a good name for that finisher.

Brodus Clay gets his full entrance but has been downgraded to wearing WWE paraphernalia. He’s wrestling R Truth. The segment Jeremy texted me better make up for this train wreck. Vince McMahon shows up to boot them from the ring. That is how desperate they are to fill time.

I blow thru Vince McMahon‘s entrance. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Vince introduces CM Punk perfectly by saying the action mattered which obviously got my reaction. I’m glad Vince told Punk that’s an ugly shirt. He finally whiffed on one shirt. The announcers have done a piss poor job of filling in the fact that Punk didn’t really win against Cena the last time. The fact that people are turning on Punk as much as they are is a testament to the quality of work he’s doing. The internet just wet himself again with the mention of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Vince sold that slap a bit more than he needed to. Ah, the firing is too good for you. I hate that logic. It should be a fun match between them. Not sold on Jeremy’s fanboy alert even though it was a really good segment.

JBL is quite the salesman. Arnold Schwarzenegger is everywhere these days. The Prime Time Players are in the ring when Rey Mysterio gets introduced. Sin Cara is going to get his own entrance. Shouldn’t you just intro both of them as teams? The half mask deal that Rey & Sin Cara are wearing look stupid. Young starts against Sin Cara. Nothing happens before the break. Rey looked at Titus as he came in and did nothing about it other than allowing Titus to break up the pin. Rey gets the pin after the 619 & Dropping The Dime. Good choice name wise but I like PTP better. Sin Cara is slowly getting better but still has a way to go. Paul Heyman tells Punk it’s a must lose situation. Punk, listen to your man. He didn’t say you can’t win. Heyman said if you win, your life will be a pain in the ass.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on September 24, 2012 by stuntgranny

I had to lead off with one of the more ridiculous things my room mate has ever said to my girlfriend. Really, he has a whole lot of those but this one happened on Saturday. We were getting ready to go see Jim Norton over at the Funny Bone so I was making some pasta and tomato sauce. If anyone has read this column before, you know it’s a regular practice. As the sauce was cooking, I went up to take a shower leaving her down here to keep things in order. Roomie shows up plowed out of his mind (thanks to his brother in law. The one attached to the baby momma and the only reason he’s living in my basement. We’ll get to that insanity some other time.) and tells my girl that he taught me everything I knew about wine. Evidently he invited me over to his place to take informal classes and was taught how to pick my wines. He then decided to give the tomato sauce a little stir and told her “It wasn’t thick enough.” I was told this while we drove to the Funny Bone and I had quite a hearty laugh. I didn’t ever go over to his place for wine classes. I got most of my wine knowledge when I lived near Tuscan vineyards. We actually had a class on it while I was studying in Florence. As for his critique of my tomato sauce, he was correct but that’s only because it hadn’t cooked the proper length of time yet. What a dolt. Let’s roll.

Two referees in two weeks. What the hell is going on in Vince’s world? Is he that stuck on the NFL’s terrible referees? After a brow beating by CM Punk, Paul Heyman does it too. Vince is stuck on the NFL. Their ratings aren’t in the toilet. My girl doesn’t think the short shorts are GM leg wear. I beg to differ. AJ Lee sends him the ref to the back. I am pretty tired of the employees running things in wrestling. Punk re-shows the video of AJ proposing to him. Punk is being a real creep. That’s a good thing. Paul, you’re not going to trump any of those power couples. Just knock it off. Does the board not watch when sexual harassment is going on?

We get more referee TV time. The WWE keeps forgetting how many wrestlers they have on the roster. AJ promises to fire him while looking out into space. I like her acting but still don’t care for the story line of “Let’s fire every GM every show.” We have a Twitter fight turned into a wrestling match. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Kofi Kingston who is apparently still in a tag team since R Truth comes to the ring with him. Can’t someone take this loss to Ziggler that isn’t in a big tag team? From the tweets, it looks as made up as any bad WWE story. All story, little match before the break.

I want to break my lap top when Criss Angel weighs in on Lil’ Jimmy. Kofi is not helping out the quality of the match. Ziggler seems to be a little out of place on some of these moves too. Kofi is one of the few guys who could get the rise out of the crowd that he did since it’s believable he could win. Zig Zag for the win after a couple of near falls. Jim Ross & Mitchell Cool tell us about John Cena‘s injury. He’s going to give us a live update.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on September 10, 2012 by stuntgranny

I’m hoping I can talk about my time at the US vs Jamaica tomorrow at Crew Stadium for a World Cup qualifying match. Other than that, I got no stories from the weekend. Let’s roll.

Nice of Bret Hart to soak up the adulation. They’ve got enough time to kill. Nice of CM Punk to interrupt him. Bret is doing his part which is the most you can expect out of him. The WWE is doing their best to corner Punk as a heel. Canada makes a nice place to do this but it’s still Bizarro World.

Kofi Kingston & R Truth are taking on the Intercontinental Champion and the US Champion. Who knows who that is without help? I probably would have. The Miz & Antonio Cesaro are the correct answers. Even Mitchell Cool said that Kofi & Truth are rolling into the break. I saw some people playing rugby over the weekend down on campus. They weren’t wearing the thigh wraps. Just sayin’. Jerry Lawler calls a leg lariat a drop kick. Thanks for phoning it in King. The Tag Titles are worth more than either of those titles. Kofi Trouble In Paradises Cesaro for the win. They go over the Sheamus/Ricardo Rodriguez storyline. This angle is more interesting than anything Del Rio has been involved in.

The WWE thinks it’s a real movie studio by giving us scene right out of Suits. Not really. Sheamus’s last name is Lipschitz. She loves the asshole joke. Wow. Sheamus is doing a solid job. This segment is absurd. Why hasn’t Sheamus brought up the fact that Ricardo put himself in harm’s way?

I FF thru the babyface Diva’s entrance. For some weird reason, Alicia Fox is a heel again. The WWE loves the Divas division. Kaitlyn, Eve Torres and Layla El are a team. Beth Phoenix & Natalya are Fox’s partners. Lawler pointing out how bad the division is by saying that Layla has been champ since April. Eve gets the cheap tag Roll of the Dice win. Cool tries to sell us on a match shorter than he is. Shorter than AJ even. Punk berates her. Why didn’t she book a Cena match? Wouldn’t that be a good hook? Brodus Clay says hi because the WWE wants you to vote for him.

CM Punk comes out first. Since Mitchell is so awesome, he gets to make the announcement. Ugh. Randy Orton is the opponent. It looks like Orton is wrestling a miniature version of himself now that Punk has the same hair cut. Commercial before anything can happen. Punk has Eric’s favorite hold, the abdominal stretch, on after the break. Orton nails another superplex. He LOVES that move now. Orton has been playing to the crowd a hair more in his return. Dolph Ziggler attacks when Orton goes for the RKO. The woman even knows the WWE camera tricks when they zoom in on Orton so as to not see the second Ziggler attack. Jerry Lawler makes the save. The segment is so important, they cut to commercial.

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Alex Shelley Signs With The WWE. Is Something More In Store?

Posted on August 22, 2012 by stuntgranny

Over the weekend, Prowrestling.net reported that Alex Shelley was signed by WWE. They thought this would open the door for the WWE to sign other TNA talent such as Matt Morgan who has burned through his dates in TNA and is currently sitting out. That part could be true but there may be something else afoot.

According to my sources though, the WWE is preparing itself to start a cruiser weight program when or if the WWE Network ever gets off the ground. It would explain the alleged signing of Johnny Gargano back in July. The only problem with this theory is that the WWE still doesn’t have a cable carrier for it or a launch date since they pushed it back on April 1st. In fact a WWE Network hasn’t been mentioned at all.

The same sources named another possible addition to the cruiser weight roster and one who is familiar to WWE Tough Enough, Matt Cross. He’d have a built in story line to start off the programming. The WWE could further cherry pick from PRIME Wrestling and nab Bobby Beverly, Bobby Shields and Louis Lyndon. Those three would need some work but the WWE doesn’t have enough talent for that type of division.

In house, they could move Cody Rhodes to a cruiser weights because they’re lost on what to do with him right now. He could even drag along his current feud, Sin Cara. Please, we’re begging you to get him, his mood lighting and his slightly less botch-tacular move set off of our televisions. His former body double, Hunico, could use more TV time too. Just to single out all of the Latino wrestlers all at one time like any good WWE writer, Epico & Primo along with the lovely Rosa Mendes would be fine additions. Yoshi Tatsu could add another level of xenophobia to the division so it isn’t taken up by those dirty Mexicans. Evan Bourne, if he could stop smoking pot like he’s Kevin Smith, could be a force in the division. Justin Gabriel and Michael McGillicutty are the forgotten members of Nexus but they’d fit into the division too. Tyson Kidd got a push for a hot second when the Money In The Bank PPV came around but he could move up a couple of rungs (Wokka wokka) in this type of environment.

Do I trust the WWE to do this much thinking about their programming? Not for a split second. I’d feel great for the hard working guys, especially the ones from PRIME Wrestling, to get some extra exposure and hopefully money that they deserve working for the WWE. -Kevin

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on July 30, 2012 by stuntgranny

I’m running on five hours of sleep. It took me a bit longer to get back to Columbus than I would have liked. Mostly my fault so I don’t have anyone to blame but the guy behind the lap top. Oh well, that should make this review a bit more interesting than normal. Let’s roll.

I must have been the guy setting up the pyro rig. Time to FF already. I’m glad I tape this puppy already. CM Punk comes out and gets mostly cheers until he grabs a mic. He talks about Lawler’s closing words. Punk does a fantastic job explaining himself and why he attacked the Rock. The Big Show comes out to stick his big nose into the business. Lawler is flabbergasted. Why? Explain yourself. I tune out Show because even with his renewed push, he’s a joke. He may have finally had a Wrestlemania moment but it’s been all down hill since then. The heel turn may have put a little spice on his resume going heel but that is about it. John Cena attacks Big Show who dumps out of the ring. AJ Lee then comes out in a mini-Stephanie McMahon woman’s power outfit. Winner of Show vs Cena gets Punk at Summerslam. Wait, did a GM just make a match and leave? Should I have hope? Not yet.

Daniel Bryan goes to the GM door and walks away. Santino Marella comes to the ring. I FF thru Alberto Del Rio‘s entrance. I guess they couldn’t find an expensive car in Cincy. What, you’re expecting a joke out of me? Too many to chose from. Why are these two guys getting a commercial break match? Del Rio slaps on the arm bar shortly after the break. The match should have ended before the break. Del Rio isn’t competing because everyone is beneath him. Thank you WWE for doing something right. Bryan is still waiting at the door.

I FF thru the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. I do listen to Vickie Guerrero. The dance is terrible, not in a good way. Damien Sandow interrupts because someone who isn’t over needs more screen time. I do like Sandow’s offense except for his weak ass finisher. We get a long camera shot of him because the WWE has no idea what to do with three hours of TV. They review Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho.

Bryan finally goes into AJ‘s office. He starts to run her down then she stops him in his tracks. She is the only person to re-watch Raw. AJ gives him a clean slate by booking a match with Sheamus for him. More review of HHH & Brock Lesnar because the WWE has no idea what to do with three hours. Sheamus is fine with whatever stipulations versus Bryan, as he should be. Bryan is starting his de-push.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on July 9, 2012 by stuntgranny

My boy Andrew McCutchen kept me from starting Raw on time. He didn’t do so well in the Home Run Derby. That’s OK as long as he keeps hitting the way he is right now when it counts. No peanut gallery today. Back to me and my lap top. Let’s roll.

AJ gets the opening rewind segment and gets to open the mic work. She doesn’t do much except intro CM Punk. Damn, is she doing a convincing crazy. And she’s carrying the mic load with Punk in the ring. AJ proposes. Punk has an outstanding reaction. Daniel Bryan comes running out to answer for Punk. Bryan tries to get Punk to accept her proposal to turn the tables. Goat Boy proposes to AJ. Punk points out the obvious that Bryan doesn’t have a ring. Can we please just make Mitchell Cool the Raw GM and get him out of the booth? The WWE could help everyone out by doing that. Eve Torres, the flavor of last month, gets to team with Bryan. Are we to believe it’s the same mystery GM? Since they didn’t have a reveal last time, are they expecting us to want a resolution to the whole fiasco? Because I could give a fuck less. AJ gets to close the segment by teasing a future husband.

Sheamus is taking on Jack Swagger. It’s a squash match. There is no reason to believe Alberto Del Rio can win on Sunday. Have him attack Sheamus from now until Sunday and I still won’t buy Del Rio winning the title. Del Rio cuts another average promo to keep us wondering why the WWE has faith in this guy. Santino Marella is talking to Zack Ryder. Great, the GM is in the building and Santino is going to find him or her. I can’t wait for the dumb skits to continue. (If you can’t read the sarcasm in the last two sentences, you’re a dunce.)

Since they have so many replays to play, none of the participants in this tag match get an introduction. So we know they’re all important. Dolph Ziggler & Tensai are taking on Christian & Tyson Kidd. Tensai gets a much needed win over Christian. What’s the purpose of the match? Tensai power bombs Kidd on the apron. I guess we’re in rebuild Tensai mode now? We’re to believe they’re going to choose a GM at the 1000th Raw. Cool refuses to read the email so Jerry Lawler does the honors. So instead of sinking time into the guys in the PPV, we get a Lawler vs Cool rematch.

I almost catch up by FF thru the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. Drew McIntyre gets squashed. What is the total match time so far? Under two minutes? Cool selling us on wanting to see the crap instead of wrestling. Santino gets to be unfunny with Chris Jericho. Big Show salvages the segment.

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Posted on July 2, 2012 by stuntgranny

I’m almost playing catch up, but the show is going live. I’m way too close to the TV but it’s smaller than mine so it helps to make up the difference. Sort of. I love the glitch of starting the show too early. Wouldn’t normally catch that. That’s what you get, slick observations when I start on time. Let’s roll.

My girl appreciates that John Cena isn’t doing a Star Wars parable but that is all about this promo. I concur. Daniel Bryan interrupts. Nothing happens before CM Punk shows up. Bryan was not at his best. OK, good come back by Bryan. Chris Jericho is next on deck. Jericho’s hair does look a bit Bon Jovi these days. He’s doing a good job too. Kane comes out to kill the segment. Even the girl knows that Kane keeps losing. She knows people’s pyro too. Big Show is the next one out. They brawl. Big Show sort of looks tough but didn’t crush everyone.

David Otunga & Cody Rhodes are teaming with Young Money against Christian, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston & R Truth. Wow, this is just a way to get people on TV with no regard to any type of a story. We’re getting a commercial out of a throw away match, really? Kofi is taking the beating for the faces. Santino is the hot tag against David Otunga. AW pulls back Young Money. Rhodes leaves too. The Funkasaurus comes out to distract Otunga. Santino gets the win with the Cobra. Brodus Clay can not feel good that he has a feud with Otunga. Teddy Long is dancing when Alberto Del Rio comes into his “rightful” office. He begs for a rematch. Del Rio gets a match with the Raw anniversary wrestler.

I have to watch these Raw anniversary segments. Bad part of going live. This segment with Vince & Shane was pretty funny even when it was a rip off of the Rocky montages from various movies. Alberto Del Rio is taking on Sin Cara who gets ambushed. It’s a great way to put over Del Rio without hurting Sin Cara. Make no mistake though, Sin Cara is on the outs. AJ gets to talk to Daniel Bryan first. Damn, she is getting some camera time, yo. AJ nails a promo. She is earning the time. Paul Heyman is on Satellite, next!

(more…)

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @WWE #Smackdown

Posted on June 16, 2012 by stuntgranny

I swear my friends who stirred up the baby momma drama must have heard the audio even though I know they don’t like wrestling so they don’t even bother coming here. I have been drama free since the day of that show with Dusty. I may need to make Dusty my leprechaun. I’m ready for an easy night with my girlfriend out of town and my dogs passed out. There has been a lack of any news to mock so I’m going to try to fill in some web content. I didn’t read spoilers and didn’t read any reviews. Let’s roll.

AJ comes out to kick off the show. Before she can explain anything, Vickie Guerrero interrupts. Nice of her to give us the headlines. Dolph Ziggler proved he can steal a show. AJ with some good comebacks. CM Punk comes out. Seems like we have a mixed tag match if they want it. The facials between Punk & AJ has me cracking up. Punk did a good job. Daniel Bryan comes out. Bryan touts Punk as hero. I keep tuning out because I knew Sheamus was coming out. No one gets a good crack at a promo except the openers. He proposes to fight right now. AJ flips out trying to get to Vickie.

Bryan and Sheamus are in the ring when they come back from commercial. The helio into the ring isn’t a regular and then he follows it up with a delayed suplex. Punk knows how to vary his offense just enough. I know it’s not the first time he’s used the helio but still, not an every match happening. Nice double team effort between Ziggler & Bryan right before the next break. Good deal.

Punk is taking the beating, as he should be. Bryan misses a top rope head butt. Ziggler taking a beating from Sheamus. AJ provides the inadvertent distraction for Ziggler to get the cheap pin. AJ attacks Vickie. AJ gets kicked into the ring apron back first. Kane comes out and treats her like Katie Vick. Punk attacks Kane. Bryan attacks Punk. Kane choke slams both of them. Good stuff all around. AJ falls to her knees and starts laughing.

(more…)

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@WWE Roster Game Special

Posted on May 23, 2012 by stuntgranny

The choices weren’t always easy.

This is a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, folks, because in this one Eric, Kevin and Dusty join forces to play the illustrious WWE Roster Game! For those not familiar, this is the game where the Stunt Granny-ites go to the roster page on WWE.com and pare the roster down, with the logic being they would be operating a weekly two hour show every week and they can fill their roster however they see fit in order to have the best company possible and make the most money possible. Because WWE.com changed their roster page format, this time the guys have 18 lines of 5 wrestlers each to pick from, and they pick 2 wrestlers from each line, for a total of 36 pieces of talent. Who do they keep? Who do they kick to the curb? Which were the easiest choices? Who were the most agonizing omissions? How many e’s does Justin Roberts put in Mr Cena’s first name? For all these answers and more, you can only find out by listening, so for god’s sake do it.

Stunt Granny Audio Show WWE Roster Game 2012

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

Posted on December 26, 2011 by stuntgranny

This kind of looks like my dog. Merry Christmas all over again.

I’m watching Impact Wrestling before starting this blog. I don’t get why the main event is a street fight. These guys don’t have this much built up tension and who cares if three heels don’t like Jeff Hardy? He’s been moved up the card too quickly and Roode still needs to prove himself as champ. Give him someone other than Hardy who is already pretty over. Roode needs to be built up more than Hardy. I doubt they humble Hardy by having him job. That outcome would be ideal though. I have no faith in TNA to do that though. I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I got to hang with plenty of friends and family. I missed my dogs but they’re down for the count now. Let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM comes out to CM Punk’s music. One of my colleagues said Punk tapped danced to a crappy segment already. Let’s see how this segment plays out. And put your initial on the @Stuntgranny feed you dumby. Johnny gives him the night off then calls it back. The segment was just kind of whatever. We know Punk isn’t going to fight Johnny tonight. Three matches is too much. Cool segment for the mystery person. I’m glad they’ve kept a lid on it and not revealed who it is. Speculation is rare these days.

Booker T takes on Cody Rhodes. This match gets downgraded from PPV too. I still haven’t watched Smackdown as they show a replay from the match between Rhodes & Zack Ryder. Cool trying to be too cool but Lawler finally calls him on it and corrects his history. Rare praise for Lawler. Twitter trend. I’m not drinking. They get a commercial break. That’s surprising but a good way to get them to a PPV. Lawler doing a good job defending the aging wrestler. Cool does the unspeakable and says a Cody win is inevitable. Always a sure sign the aggressor will lose. Booker kicks out at the last second. Cody loses to Booker. They put over Booker as the underdog. It’ll be good to have Rhodes win the war in a PPV match, hopefully. Zack Ryder thanks John Cena for starting his career. Cena tells him it’s Zack being ready for his moment. Cena tells Kane the year is going to end in a bang. The three opponents get a title shot next week. The opponents are Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler & Mark Henry. Is Henry still hurt? Can Punk actually pull this off? Weird Kelly Kelly, Big Show & Scott Armstrong segment.

Big Show needs to explain knocking out David Otunga on Smackdown. Otunga talks big. Show is going to fight him with one arm tied behind his back. What we always need too, more Johnny Wooden GM. Ziggler starts mocking Swagger. Vickie breaks up the bickering. She gets them to screw their heads on straight. Henry is walking thru to complete the dumb segment. The heels ran each other down for no real reason. Eve & Ryder are teaming together.

They take on Natalya & Tyson Kidd after the break. Hot damn, how predictable. Good win for Ryder or Eve, I suppose. July has the 1000th Raw. Good idea to start hyping it now. That’ll be three fun hours of drinking. Rough Ryder for the win. That would have been my choice too. Eve gets to fist pump. May as well use her as a valet.

John Cena comes to the ring. The Miz allows Kane to not answer for another week. Miz admits that his win at Wrestlemania was tainted by the Rock’s interference. Cena accepts the Miz’s challenge. The Miz yells at the crowd for chanting the wrong man’s name. I like it. He still needs a big win which he won’t get unless Kane interferes. The Miz gets counted out and reverses course on having to win. Yuck, he has to go for a Bears reference? Truth comes back and attacks Miz. Hopefully this opponent helps move Miz up the card permanently. Why is Miz getting such a good beating? Truth trying to be good guy crazy. It’s not working.

(more…)

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